Feeling Whole

The whole is more than the sum of its parts. Aristotle

Many people experience that feeling of being detacheted from some hurtful event.  They are told they are in shock.  Or they are just trying to get things done during times of stress.  Something as simple as a long drive, people zone out then realize the long trip felt much shorter.  The sensation may last a few hours or a few days.  Then there are others that talk about feeling detached for weeks at a time.  Often the diagnosis is depression.  However, as you move accross the contimuum of reactions you reach PTSD and then more and more severe reactions until you reach where I lived for over 45 years severe dissociation with multiple personalities living in one body to survive.  I split off a part of myself to survive extreme conditions as a child.  I didn't put the pieces together again until I was over 50 then there was learning how to function and live and process memories and...and....and...after more than 8 years of counseling I finally feel whole.  It is an amazing feeling.  I am savoring the feeling of connection with myself.  When you can't connect with yourself, it is very difficult to connect with someone else.  Each one of my parts were vital to my survival.  I am thankful that my counselor encouraged me to seek healthy relationship with myself.  KavinCoach taught me that until I felt whole with myself I wouldn't feel connected to others.  I now know what he means.  It wasn't that I didn't want to.  I had know idea what it felt like.  It feels delicious.  I am savoring the sweet feeling.  I know that this sweetness will change as other problems and life crowd in.  I think for a day or two I am just going to savor feeling whole.