How do I know I am stressed?

Instructions for Stress Diet
BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."
This is just a joke, folks!
 Found at http://homecooking.about.com/library/archive/bljoke3.htm

For some people this is a joke.  I first received it in an email years ago.  But today it was NOT funny.  I just finished off the Christmas fudge, most of a bag of popcorn and a half a bag of M&Ms (not a small bag either.)  So what do I have to be stressed about....Didn't actually matter.  My body seemed to be looking for a place to happen.  This time work provided it with a battle royal with a computer and video and deadlines.  I was very proud of myself.  I went home without solving it.  It wasn't my problem in the first place and if they had told me a week ago what needed to be done I would have been glad to finish.  They had known about the project for over 3 weeks without telling me or giving me all the information..... Tension shot Up - Stress Splat - Depression to stop the frustration.  The jittery nerves actually feel better after being soothed by chocolate.  The body is so self-destructive.  That is the final verdict...I am blaming my body.  :)  Hope you all have a stress free weekend.