May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
I don’t know who said this, but I love thinking about the love I hold deep inside my heart, because it is a love for life and the laughter that I know will come tomorrow absolutely helps me wipe away the pain and tears of the past. NOW is the time to love and laugh. Pam
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Inner cleavage concept came from the articles from yesterday's blog. It was a new idea for me in 2005. I had to wrestle around with it in my mind. Caliban's Sister pointed out that cleavage means split. Coming from a history of working very hard not to be split I pondered this. The cleavage in this article referred to the physical attribute of the actress with breast being her main selling feature. More like what vicariousraising referred to in her comment, her physical cleavage, the slit between her breast. The article shares the terror of the actress where she felt her body was who she was. Her body got her jobs. Her breast and outer cleavage predominantly advanced her career. She questioned in her mind; without the outer cleavage, who was she? She decided that she had inner cleavage the part of her essence that did not rely on her physical body to have worth. I struggled with the concept. As a child, the pedophile treated me as a body without heart, mind or soul. I was an object used to satisfy his deviance. I shuddered at the word cleavage. One of the things stumbled upon by KavinCoach was my hatred of women, myself included. Cleavage in my mind meant women in the most negative concept, grasping, manipulative, lying, vicious... you get the idea of my dislike of women. (I always considered it odd that men abused me but I hated women. I finally concluded that women in my childhood abandoned me to the men. Instead of pulling me to safety they shoved me into harms way. Took a lot of work with KavinCoach to come to peace with that issue.) Then I met my night nurse. She could have just done her job and made sure I was physically safe. She did so much more than that. She comforted me with a kindness that melted walls of indifference. After her, I looked at other women in my life, I discovered that I really did like a lot of women and they each had their own unique quality about them. I actually admired many women I knew, especially my daughters, daughter-in-laws, and sister. Amazing women that I worked with that until I really looked at my own prejudice I kept at a distance. The woman that made the afghan had a rocking chair in her office that she would let me come and rock for a bit. She cared what happened to me. She cared about the students she worked with. The article challenged a deep seated prejudice and made me really look at how I viewed myself and other women. Breast cancer took one of my boobs but I came through a more open and compassionate person. I learned to lay aside my prejudice, I opened the way to learn to love myself and women around me.
4 comments:
Hi Ruth, I really like this post and your meditation on what "cleavage" means to you. I've always thought it a really odd word used to describe the "quadrant" of a woman's body upon which men focus and fetishize. It's not a word I really like precisely because it turns breasts into a two-part unit the effect of which is meant to be solely visual, and literally objectifies the "push-up" and split between visual. It would be interesting to go to the OED (oxford eng dict.) and see when the word entered English usage for "breast area."
As for what you describe as your "hatred" of women, the Ruth who I know from the blog doesn't "hate." Mistrusts, maybe, and you now understand why. Women have often betrayed each other, and especially when men are involved. Patriarchy has always relied on 'divide and conquer.' Women banding together are a dangerous entity.
The woman you know has come a long way. I now recognize that women, men, children all have good and bad qualities. Hatred can be a healthy barrier. I hate the pedophile that molested me. I hate the women that stood by and let it happen. These people were scary people... I am not going to waste the rest of my life thinking about them. I have things to do and places to go. I am choosing to embrace the joy in life.
Hi Ruth!
I haven't been on people's blogs for awhile so how curious it is that you posted about the women who didn't defend you and today, I posted about the women who did!
I'm a little stunned by this but really I shouldn't be since people make important connections on the same timeline. Maybe it's because we're reading similar things and making connections together even though we're apart?
So for whatever reason and I don't even need to know why, I felt compelled to write about women protecting children from injustices. It IS our responsibility and duty.
I'm so glad you had kind women in your life who contradicted the mean-and-rotten women in your childhood. It's been interesting in my family (four sisters) because I soooooo identified with and loved women. A couple of my sisters have really struggled with this. I think life has been a little harder for them because they disliked and distrusted women. (and still do to some degree!)
If you were my neighbor, I'd make you a cake and if any man tried to abuse you, I'd give him the 'what for'. ha! :-) Nothing gives me more joy than standing up for what is right!
Hugs,
CZ
Thanks CZ,
I would invite you to help me eat the cake. :)
I will check out your blog.
Hugs back,
Ruth
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