My journey out of the darkness of depression. How I changed from not just surviving but thriving.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Inner Cleavage
Inner Cleavage broke the news around the time I produced my photography show, Baseline. The professors I worked with encouraged me to submit a proposal 3 years after I had cancer to show the work I had done to emotionally deal with surviving breast cancer. Interesting thing about proposing the work a year before is not all the pieces are finished. When I saw the gallery I had a huge wall to put pictures on. The other walls were more broken up. By adding a wall section it was broken up into smaller spaces. However, there was one long wall and I had no idea what was going on that wall. I had a year but I knew I would be working hard all year to complete the show. I kicked around several ideas with my professor. I don't remember how I came across the term inner cleavage in connection with cancer but I wanted to know more. I searched and found the article below.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2005/03/13/showing-off-a-little-inner-cleavage.html 2005
This is an update of the first article.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Inner-Cleavage!&id=211111
I kept wrestling with this concept over and over again. Defining it in my mind to see how to portray it visually. About the time I came across this information, I landed in the hospital with a different health problem. I didn't sleep well so had many hours in the middle of the night with all the lights dimmed. I learned when I had cancer that I could use drawing to calm myself down. It was magical. Like a sedative but I didn't sleep. The night nurse was awesome. She talked to me, admired my drawings, and general help keep my spirits up. To me, she epitomized the very essence of inner cleavage. Her body was a tool to bring comfort to others. Her purpose was to make sure every person had a good night. She watched over me in a way that was totally unfamiliar to me. I think God knew I needed to meet her and arranged an minor inconvenience for me to arrange the meeting. I persuaded her to let me take her picture. She was my first step into understanding the inner cleavage, the inner beauty of a woman. She radiated goodness, kindness, comfort...her inner beauty shown through loud and clear. I caught a vision....20 frames down that huge long wall. I talked 19 women into sharing my vision of inner cleavage. Four of them were my daughters and daughter-in-law. I admire them so much. I included my sister and her dog, a bond that I believe will stretch into eternity. I chose different women that portrayed different attributes. I signed a promise to only use the pictures for this show. I labeled them with an attribute...kindness, indulgent grandma, spunky... each woman unique yet sharing a commonality, we all had breast, cleavage, boobs. The twentieth frame was blank, the label listed the number of woman that died of breast cancer the year before. Some fool, joked that was the easiest picture. No, it was the hardest, I cried and cried when I read how many woman died of a disease that caught early enough is survivable. A disease that rocked my world and brought me face to face with my own mortality. It was a pivot point that altered my life's path in ways that I am still trying to comprehend. Last night the woman that gave me the pink afghan was one of the woman on that wall. She crocheted the afghan in shades of pink representing the fight against breast cancer and the courage to survive.
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3 comments:
Ruth, what a beautiful moving post. "inner cleavage" is an interesting concept. I can see how it connotes internal emotional mothering and wholeness. I'm a bit uneasy with the word "cleavage" though because it means "to split." But that's just me. The main ideas and feelings you write about above say it all. Coming to terms with your mortality through art, through connection with others, through love that "appears" at the right time when you need it, these are precious. Thanks for the photograph.
Took me a while to wrap my mind around cleavage for a different reason. I feel a post coming on...
Inner cleavage. What an interesting way to think of things. I have a love/hate relationship with my outer cleavage -- I had reduction surgery almost 2 years ago because they didn't fit the rest of me.
But on the other hand, I'm not sure my inner cleavage is right sized either. It's probably too small. How weird to consider.
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