What it really means to be feminine?

Comments enrich this process of sharing my challenges and struggles.  Toto's comment generated today's title.  What does it really mean to be feminine? 

I remembered talking to KavinCoach years ago on this subject.  I remember considering what it meant in high school during the height of ERA (Equal Rights Amendment).  I read books on the subject.  I struggle still.  KavinCoach pointed out that my distress over the subject was multifaceted since my femininity was attacked from every angle from as early as I can remember.  In preparing to write today's post I reviewed some of the many emails I wrote to KavinCoach on this subject.  Today I read an article that challenged my thinking one of the comparisons was, "are you feminine or strong and independent?"  Why are these considered polar opposites? I am going to be writing more to myself and just putting it here to let you listen in.  I know that not everyone will agree with me.  I know from talking to both my counselors that my perception is different.  I remember KavinCoach asking me to find a statue of what I thought was an ideal woman.  I found an angel, it was close to Christmas, in a homely corduroy dress with the softest look on the face that held so much kindness.  KavinCoach was so surprised.  Where were the beautiful clothes?  Where was the makeup?  Why did I see this as feminine and beautiful? He was shocked by my vehement answer that clothes did not make the woman.  In my teen years every Christmas present was clothes to make me look beautiful.  The clothes were beautiful but I quickly understood that it didn't turn me into a lady.  This story had profound impact on my opinion:

Once, a powerful king agreed to help a small, lost boy find his mother.
Since the boy described his mother as the most beautiful woman in the world, the king commanded all the beautiful women in the kingdom to come to the castle.
From miles around, they came -- women with complexions of porcelain and hair of spun gold, with cheeks the color of apricots and eyes as dark as the raven's. But none of them was the boy's mother.

When the last of the women had paraded before them, and the king and the boy had begun to despair, they heard a timid knock on the door. "Come in," the king said wearily. In shuffled an old washer woman, her gray hair tied up in a kerchief, her hands rough and red, her dress coarse and patched.

"Mother!" the boy cried when he saw her, and he leapt from his chair and raced into the woman's arms. The king stared in amazement.

http://anthingblissful.blogspot.com/2005/10/beautiful.html  

At age 16, I decided to never marry and never have children.  (I did change my mind in college.) I hated babysitting and almost anything considered feminine by my mother. I hated emotional crying. I disliked knitting, crocheting and sewing. I felt like my childhood of romping with my brothers was much better than being crammed into these creepy ideas about what was feminine.  I decided to redefine feminine for me.  I was in college working on my engineering degree.  I disliked the girls that spouted off that they could be in engineering if they wanted.  I felt if you can do the work, take the classes.  If you can't do the work, get out and let someone in that can.  (They limited how many people could be in the engineering program.)  I learned painfully that because I was good at engineering that other women considered me less of a woman.  Years of my own exploration to counteract put downs I experienced are summed up in this paragraph.  It is a work in progress, not complete or all encompassing, plus I believe a feminine woman is always in the process of evolving to be her best self. 

A feminine woman knows she is a daughter of God.  Appreciates the incredible gift and ability to be pregnant and nurse children.  Embraces her ability to listen with her heart.  Able to be independent and strong but willing to cooperate and be soft.  She is gracious, knowledgeable, caring, truthful, wise, and curious.  She does not manipulate, emotionally blackmail, or use her sexuality as a weapon or to control others.  Allows others to shine without feeling less herself.  She finds beauty where ever she goes and in each person she meets.  People leave her presence feeling enriched and comforted.  She feels awkward on a pedestal and much prefers cuddling a child or an animal.  Her style can vary, there are no set rules, her interest are many, and she fills her life with all that is uplifting to her.  She has a backbone and will stand courageously to protect children and others that are unable to defend themselves.  She does not need to be perfect in everything for she accepts herself and others.  She appreciates the beautiful differences between men and women without feeling a need to emulate men.  Women are simply one of God's greatest creations.   

Very idealistic, I know.  I am still working on the definition but this is a start for me.