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I had another class last night for learning to Talk to Teenagers. It was a lot tougher but I also was given another list. What is cool is I decided that this list would work for adults too. It is actually copy righted so I can't just post the list but here is the link:
http://www.search-institute.org/content/40-developmental-assets-adolescents-ages-12-18
This list shares 40 assets for being a healthy teenager...mulling it over I think it would be helpful to anyone wanting to be emotionally healthy.
I did notice that I was lacking many things on this list. However, I always wondered why I survived when others did not. Caring and Service were listed as 2 of the forty assets. Nice thing about these, I have 100% control over how I care or the service I give. When my little sister was born 5 years younger than me, I took my mother's charge that I take care of her very seriously. I felt I had a strong purpose. I gave service and cared for others. I hadn't considered doing these things an asset.
Another one is time to read things that you enjoy. Since working on counseling I read hundreds of books but only Harry Potter for fun. I can control this. I can decide how much time I spend reading just for fun. My choice my decision.
I can't control a lot of those things on the list. I can not control my parents or get them to give me what I need from them. Haven't succeeded in over 50 years, things are such that it will be highly unlikely to happen now. I can set healthy boundaries which are also on the list. I would be interested in hearing what caught your attention about the list of 40 assets.
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6 comments:
That list was kinda depressing for me! It's a bloody miracle I made it out alive.
I agree, but as an adult I was amazed at how many of them I have control over now.
I have an interesting alternative view of this list - I think I would have scored very highly on this list as a teenager! I was so, so brain-washed by my parents that I saw them as alright to good at the time. It was really only in the later years and as I've grown away from them that I've been shocked and horrified by their treatment of me.
You can pay lip-service to the majority of these 40 assets - i.e. I was enrolled in volunteering and a bunch of after-school stuff (it was probably this that saved me, in retrospect!), but I was never truly loved. I did my homework, I had rules, but it was all superficial; done to play the part, like actors rather than loving parents.
Love really is at the core of it all - take away love and I'm not sure these 40 assets will suffice.
Good point Quercus, what interests me is how we survived with the parents we had. I do not disagree with your perspective. Some of the assets were also a problem for me. What amazes me is the number of people that survive and want to be loving adults but were not loved as children. I am looking for tools to help us achieve that goal.
I'm far too withdrawn to score well on this list. I seldom leave my house, except to run errands. But what gives me courage and hope is that my kids have most of those qualities. It gives me hope that they've got a chance to have a great life, without suffering the stuff that I deal with.
It is nice to know that we can stop the crap and not have it filter down to our children. I scored low but what intrigued me were some of the things on the list, like reading and creativity.
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