- Ronald E. Osborn
Click Here For Success Tip # 043
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. Albert Einstein.
One of the tough feelings combined with depression is feeling overwhelmed. Routines, same-o same-o, what ever I had to do to keep one foot in front of another. Something new and challenging was simply out of the question. Lately, I noticed that I am spending hours playing a dumb video game. What I noticed that I pit my skills against a computer. My heart starts pounding I am sometimes sweating try to score higher points. But the bottom line is I don't care. Say what. What am I after. Over at Roots to Blossom I responded to this post:
http://roots2blossom.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/could-my-life-be-too-boring-for-me/
What I wrote blew me away:
weareonebyruth says:
I kept getting A’s because I expected to get more from the class than the teacher required. I learned that by getting ‘work down’ I could go play with photography. Then I made the mistake of trying to make my photography my work. Now I won’t touch my camera for days at a time. It is like I need something to play with. Something of my choosing that pushes me to the bleeding edge of what I know. When I was a computer tech, I didn’t need help until I needed to talk to an engineer but there was plenty of mundane stuff to do. Get the mundane out of the way so I could work on the really hard stuff that when I call tech support they tend to say, “Our program can do that?” Now I am in a job without this edgy challenge. I found a way to make it complicated for me. I grew up being told I was stupid. They never bothered with testing my IQ but I like challenges. I wonder if it is trying to figure out what to do with all my survival skills. I never considered the thought that I miss pitting my wits against my abuser. O dear, that is a scary thought. I am tempted to delete that last bit but maybe it will help someone. I may do a post on this. Thank you for a very thought provoking post.
The heart pounding fear that I used to experience from nightmares is gone. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I hadn't considered the possibility that I actually miss the serge of adrenaline needed to survive extreme conditions. I hadn't considered the issue of becoming healthier I am bored and don't want to do mundane things like put things away, do the dishes, go to work....
I read about this type of thing in one of my many books on surviving abuse, the adrenaline rush addiction. I thought, "I am not a big risk taker, this isn't a problem for me." Then I reminded myself how many times I push back the time I should leave for work so I have to really focus on driving through rush hour to get there on time. I had no idea. I learned that 90% of solving a problem is defining it. This time I need to decide what type of problem is it and do I just need to redirect this newly recognized need for an adrenaline rush? Nope, bungee jumping and sky diving are not going on the list of things to do. However, I just rented hotel room to spend a couple of days next month on an extended photoshoot, just for fun.
 |
| On the edge |
