If you haven't attended school for awhile you might not be aware of a cool technique of brainstorming. The put a word in the middle of a page then shoot off all sorts of things that you think about the word so here we go....
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Conflict
What kind of words or phrases would you write... A few that were listed...
You're in trouble now - Fighting- Raised voices - Negative feelings - Don't call the cops - Do call the cops (we had a diverse group) - blasting each other - distress and my thought was RUN AWAY NOW.
Then they asked for the feelings... Anger, frustration, Victory (there were some power people in the group that believed that conflict is all about the winning) hurt... you get the general idea.
Then they turned the page and asked, "What if you viewed conflict as something positive what would it look like?" Hope, apology, friendship, understanding, resolution, empathy, compromise, move forward, respect, victory shared, actually talk, union, awareness.
Viewed this way what does conflict bring? My mind tilted, I sat there writing as fast as I could trying to absorb this new positive view of conflict, an opportunity to share views and gain a greater understanding of each other. Next conflict I come to I am going remind myself -
Do I want to be right or do I want to be understood?
*Just a note this idea would work with many people but not all people. There are some people that just want to be right no matter how much damage it may cause. There was more than once that KavinCoach would say, "This will work with everyone except...." My response, "My mother." But not everyone in the world is my mother so this perspective has a lot of potential to changing how I view conflict and hopefully reduce my desire to RUN at the first bit of tension.
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| New View...Inches away and unafraid. |
4 comments:
For me conflict = confrontation, which I’ve spent most of my life avoiding. I was taught at a very early age by my domineering bullying NPs that we had ‘no choice, no voice’. My siblings and I were locked in one bedroom together at night (little prisoners). We had no heat, light, toilet facilities, toys or books. I developed OCD, anxiety and selective mutism. If a person feels inferior, the last thing they want is conflict.
The knowledge I have gained from following your site, Ruth, along with Judy’s and others have empowered me. There will always be a feeling that something is missing, because there is something missing. However, I have learned to live with it.
Molly
Conflict = confrontation was my view too. This is why this new perspective is so unusual. I think your father would be in the same catagory as my mother - does not apply. I am glad my site is helping. Your comments are appreciated. I think you openess and caring is so obvious, I am sorry you had those experiences.
Hugs,
Ruth
My first thought was : What I'm in right now.
Positive thought : It will not last forever and I'm learning to stand up for myself.
:-)
Woohoo. I am proud of you Laurel.
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