Pit of anger

I usually write this the night before....I started to write but nothing seemed right.  I thought, "I will play a little Bejeweled to clear my head."  At 4:30 AM I went to bed, dismayed at the raging feelings I was having.  This morning I woke up to the realization that I still hurt...a lot...about people not realizing the ugliness that can happen in nice neighborhoods.  I was at church and they were talking about how we need to be careful how we raise our kids and teenagers but not one mention of the real horrors that face these kids every day.  Half or possibly more have already been sexually abused before they reach 12 years old.  They worry about appropriate dating to protect their kids not thinking about the viperous snakes that sneak through their defenses because they are a family friend or family member that hides behind closed doors and dark secrets.  Judy posted a link on her page that I read.
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/yahoo-sports-article-on-horse-therapy/
These are the lines that leaped off the page at me...

"The strength of survivors was crucial," says Talerico. "It allows people to be buoyed by the courage of others. There are more people inquiring as to what we do and how we do it. When this was on the forefront and people were saying, ‘No more, this is no longer a secret,' the ripple effect of that is incredible." 

I sat here and sobbed...I wanted to scream at these people that close their eyes to the pain in their own hearts and the hearts of their children because of the evil perpetuated by those that see children as easy, silent targets.  Men and women that use depression to hide their secret hurts and secret rage at a society that 'ssshhhhh' don't talk about sexual abuse.  I remember one person's shocked surprise when I said I was sexually abused as a child.  "Aren't you ashamed to admit that?"  The shame is not mine.  It belongs to the people that sexually abused me.  The shame is on the people that sexualize young children on commercials, music videos, and clothing stores.  The shame is on people that believe the victims are just a child, they will forget.  I did forget why but I never forgot the shame, the feeling of dirtiness.  Remembering was horrific and a relief because my own behavior finally made sense.  Today I will cry.  I don't know how to tackle something so big and so pervasive.  If there was a disease that attacked half of our children in this nation they would have walk-a-thons and an outcry for finding a cure.  But sexual abuse....SSssshhhhh, be quiet.