As Thyself

Matthew 22:35-39

King James Version (KJV)

³⁵ Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
³⁶ Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
³⁷ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
³⁸ This is the first and great commandment.
³⁹ And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Loving yourself is part of the second great commandment.  I still remember KavinCoach explaining to me that it doesn't say love thy neighbor better than thyself nor love thy neighbor instead of thyself nor love thy neighbor in spite of thyself the word connecting the two is AS. 

AS 1. To the same extent or degree; equally:  http://www.thefreedictionary.com/As

 I've known since my 30's that this was important.  A proposal was suggested that I make a banner indicating something that I feel was important about life.  I chose the words As Thyself.  I knew that this was vitally important, I didn't know how to go about it.  I knew I was criticized often.  I knew that I was my own worse critic.  When I was in counseling 15 years later, I started to understand my own struggle with loving myself.  I was taught not to care for myself.  I was taught that service to others was more important than anything else especially myself.  I was taught that I was not good enough no matter what I did; someone was happy to point out that I could have/should have done more.  The main crux of splitting into multipersonalities is some trauma so massive that separation is the key to survival.  Some multiples are so intent on separation that the personality is put to sleep unable to respond to the world.  At the core of multipersonalities is self loathing.  Or perhaps more accurately loathing what happened to yourself.  Sometimes these events happen so young that they are the first memories.  Hard to remember when you don't hate yourself if the brutal act occurred before 5 years old.  Years of my counseling centered on I did not cause those horrible things to happen, the adults involved were responsible, and that I needed to accept, forgive and learn to love myself.  The first process was to learn to take care of myself.  I am terrible at this.  I have to remind myself that I have permission to go to the bathroom if needed.  I am in pain right now because I hurt myself last Wednesday but haven't slowed down long enough to let my body heal.  I put off things that I wish to do for myself.  I don't give myself simple things because I keep having this nagging feeling I don't deserve good things in my life.  I had to recognize that my childhood was built on a network of lies.  Years ago KavinCoach asked me to write about what was good about me.  I wrote what I thought was a good answer.  KavinCoach pointed out that everything on my list was about things I did.  I defined myself by what I could do for others.  I rewrote it a couple of more times and each time I realized I still did not capture the essence of me.  Now, Judy shared a challenge that was shared with her. 
Write 100 things that I like about myself. 
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/gut-check-or-reality-check-if-you-prefer/

I don't think I can do this.  So she proposed an easier suggestion.  Have one positive word about myself by Valentine's day, a day to celebrate love. 
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/the-challenge/
I agree with her that my relationship with myself is the most important one I have, since it is the only relationship that I can't get out of.  I can ignore God or believe He doesn't exist, I could divorce my husband, disown my children, stop seeing friends but I am still left with looking myself in the mirror.  Dividing out my personality was the closest I could get to divorcing myself but there I was in the mirror every morning.  Well, I have no desire to stop seeing friends.  I love being with my children.  I love my husband, spent years in counseling working to improve our relationship.  I believe and love God.  Loving myself is hard.  Because I know my short comings best.  But here's the kicker, I know my good qualities least.  So for the month of February you will see quite a few posts about my relationship with myself and how wonderful I am.  Before accusing me of being narcissistic,  I will share that I do not believe that a narcissistic loves themselves.  I think they are full of fears of anyone finding out about their true selves so hide behind mask and fronts and put others down so they feel good about themselves.  I am referring to healthy self-love.  The kind Christ had when he stated, "I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness." John 12:46 KJV  He knew that he was the light of this world.  He did not doubt who he was.  He knew what he could do.  I have met other people in my life that have this kind of confidence that they know who they are and what they are capable of doing.  KavinCoach pointed out repeatedly that who I am is separate from what I do.  However, who I am is key to what I choose to do.  By logical inference, what I do represents who I am.  Some of these posts will be about what I do.  I am not writing this to put myself above others or to compare to anyone else this is to help me see myself more clearly.  I could write this privately and not share my journey into the center of myself.  I am hoping that by sharing my journey that others will accept the challenge and embark on their own journey into the realm of healthy self-love.