My friend posted this on facebook.
"Those who refuse to accept the presence of evil are in may ways responsible for perpetrating it."~ Dr Sirota
There
are some who won't accept the fact that bad people exist in the world.
They want to see everyone who causes harm as "wounded" or "troubled"
& in need of help, rather than deserving of consequences. Well,
there's a bit of truth to this, but it isn't the whole truth.
Certain emotionally disturbed individuals who haven't gone all the way down the path of harm-doing might benefit from psychological intervention. It's possible that these individuals could see where they're going wrong & choose to change their ways. But it's not guaranteed.
It's difficult to get someone who's really self-centered to become sensitive to the feelings & needs of others; it's virtually impossible to get someone who doesn't care about the harm they're doing to change.
It may all start with childhood wounds - although there's a lot of evidence for a biological cause to antisocial behavior as well- but ultimately, our behavior always comes down to a choice: to focus on living in a state of loving-kindness or to focus on anger, vengeance, retribution or cruelty.
Over the past 20+ years I've seen people with all sorts of terrible traumas, & I've seen how each one of them makes a choice about how they're going to live with this trauma. Most have chosen to live as good, caring individuals.
They all had stories about people in their lives- parents, other relatives, teachers, romantic partners, schoolmates & friends who were abusive to them.
When you think that both abuser & abused had the experience of suffering, but only some of them turned out to be abusers, you have to see that it's a choice. It might not be a conscious, deliberate choice but it's a choice.
Especially when the person repeatedly continues to do harm. It's one thing to slide unconsciously into being hurtful, but then to knowingly persist in the face of the suffering they're causing? That's a choice.
You'd think that someone who sees the hurt they're causing would be highly motivated to change & to get help in doing so - & a small proportion of people will do this: those who are not evil but truly wounded- so when they don't seek to change, that implies a real choice.
It's impossible for someone not to see that they're causing harm, unless they've so blinded themselves to the pain of others, they've so abdicated their responsibility or they simply don't care.
When someone persists in causing others harm, I call them a bad person; someone we need to stay away from or protect ourselves from, or we'll end up being hurt by them.
People who live in denial of evil have a particular wound. They want to see everyone as fundamentally good (even the Dalai Lama, ultimate proponent of love & compassion, recognizes the existence of evil people in the world) & these deniers want to believe that the bad person is just a wounded child who, with love & care will transform into a loving, good person.
This is a dangerous fantasy that often results in the suffering, even death of the person trying to heal the evil-doer. (Just watch Nicole Kidman & John Cusak in the film, The Paperboy, for a perfect illustration of this point.)
A bad person is not a child & they have all the resources & cleverness of an adult with which to do great damage. It's true denial to see them as anything less than dangerous.
Those who refuse to accept the presence of evil are in may ways responsible for perpetrating it. They listen to the cries of the victims of abuse & tell them that the abuser "didn't mean it," that "they're just wounded," that "they need love & compassion too."
These deniers of evil are often in a position where they're responsible for protecting the victims & instead, abuse them all over again through the denial of the harm that's come to them.
It's time we stop denying the fact that some people simply choose to do harm. When we're ready to face this painful truth, we'll stop protecting the evil-doers from the appropriate consequences of their bad behavior & we'll start taking proper care of those they've hurt.
Certain emotionally disturbed individuals who haven't gone all the way down the path of harm-doing might benefit from psychological intervention. It's possible that these individuals could see where they're going wrong & choose to change their ways. But it's not guaranteed.
It's difficult to get someone who's really self-centered to become sensitive to the feelings & needs of others; it's virtually impossible to get someone who doesn't care about the harm they're doing to change.
It may all start with childhood wounds - although there's a lot of evidence for a biological cause to antisocial behavior as well- but ultimately, our behavior always comes down to a choice: to focus on living in a state of loving-kindness or to focus on anger, vengeance, retribution or cruelty.
Over the past 20+ years I've seen people with all sorts of terrible traumas, & I've seen how each one of them makes a choice about how they're going to live with this trauma. Most have chosen to live as good, caring individuals.
They all had stories about people in their lives- parents, other relatives, teachers, romantic partners, schoolmates & friends who were abusive to them.
When you think that both abuser & abused had the experience of suffering, but only some of them turned out to be abusers, you have to see that it's a choice. It might not be a conscious, deliberate choice but it's a choice.
Especially when the person repeatedly continues to do harm. It's one thing to slide unconsciously into being hurtful, but then to knowingly persist in the face of the suffering they're causing? That's a choice.
You'd think that someone who sees the hurt they're causing would be highly motivated to change & to get help in doing so - & a small proportion of people will do this: those who are not evil but truly wounded- so when they don't seek to change, that implies a real choice.
It's impossible for someone not to see that they're causing harm, unless they've so blinded themselves to the pain of others, they've so abdicated their responsibility or they simply don't care.
When someone persists in causing others harm, I call them a bad person; someone we need to stay away from or protect ourselves from, or we'll end up being hurt by them.
People who live in denial of evil have a particular wound. They want to see everyone as fundamentally good (even the Dalai Lama, ultimate proponent of love & compassion, recognizes the existence of evil people in the world) & these deniers want to believe that the bad person is just a wounded child who, with love & care will transform into a loving, good person.
This is a dangerous fantasy that often results in the suffering, even death of the person trying to heal the evil-doer. (Just watch Nicole Kidman & John Cusak in the film, The Paperboy, for a perfect illustration of this point.)
A bad person is not a child & they have all the resources & cleverness of an adult with which to do great damage. It's true denial to see them as anything less than dangerous.
Those who refuse to accept the presence of evil are in may ways responsible for perpetrating it. They listen to the cries of the victims of abuse & tell them that the abuser "didn't mean it," that "they're just wounded," that "they need love & compassion too."
These deniers of evil are often in a position where they're responsible for protecting the victims & instead, abuse them all over again through the denial of the harm that's come to them.
It's time we stop denying the fact that some people simply choose to do harm. When we're ready to face this painful truth, we'll stop protecting the evil-doers from the appropriate consequences of their bad behavior & we'll start taking proper care of those they've hurt.
7 comments:
I also posted this for Rev. Renee's Luke Ministries Facebook Group. She is thrilled to finally see a professional that "gets it".
We're told we shouldn't need validation outside ourselves but, once in a while, it sure is nice to have it!
mulderfan, I agree. It is nice to have validation from a professional source. Thanks.
Hmm. I prefer the approach of dealing with behaviour.
If people aren't willing to treat others well and endanger them then they should be restrained.
This leaves open the possibility of change - however remote.
In the course of my work I spent a day a week at the County Jail and a night a week at a local Prison. The most dangerous people I've ever encountered, those most lacking in conscience were not found in either place.
They were found in my house growing up.
My "mother" remained stalwart until her last breath. She never accepted any responsibility for her premeditated destructive actions, never apologized, never bore any overt consequences as a result of the plethora of wrecked lives left in her wake, never acknowledged her sadistic and unrelenting pleasure in causing other's pain. She never experienced guilt, shame or remorse, our most primal human responses to the presence of a conscience.
My "mother" was evil. I was not present at her death or service having been NC for decades; however, I was told no tears were shed, no loss was felt or expressed. The entire matter was carried out in a business-like fashion. This world is a better place for her physical death.
You would never pick her out in a crowd of her cohort of affluent, well dressed, well-bred women in the Society pages of a slick magazine. The picture artfully contrived belied an interior world of unabashed pride, greed, pettiness and envy wielded cruelly at every turn on unsuspecting others.
She is neither missed nor grieved. And that is the Legacy for which she is wholly responsible, the synthesis of a life lived without conscience. My "mother" was truly evil.
In using the word "evil," I am not hurling an invective or attempting to denigrate this woman-she did that herself. It is quite simply a fact and a reality of my life and of the unfortunate others who also were abused at her will and for her amusement.
Thank you for this reprint, Ruth. Thank you for your demonstration (once again) of Courage.
TW
Evan, I believe most people would prefer to deal with people actions. I also believe that people can change however remotely. Unfortunately, there are those that choose not to change from hurting others and they are not all incarcerated.
Your welcome TW. I am sorry that this was your experience. Thank you for being willing to share.
"Especially when the person repeatedly continues to do harm. It's one thing to slide unconsciously into being hurtful, but then to knowingly persist in the face of the suffering they're causing? That's a choice.
You'd think that someone who sees the hurt they're causing would be highly motivated to change & to get help in doing so - & a small proportion of people will do this: those who are not evil but truly wounded- so when they don't seek to change, that implies a real choice."
Damn straight.
RCI gives a straight answer. I follow her on Facebook and appreciate her comments.
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