Note
to Ns~ If our relationship "broke up" a long time ago, and we haven't
spoken in years, and then we run into each other at a wedding, funeral,
or the supermarket, and I either don't acknowledge you, or am civil to
you but show no interest in rekindling our relationship or keeping in
touch, it is not because I am "still angry at you," "unforgiving,"
"haven't let go of the past," or "still holding a grudge." Don't flatter
yourself. It's because I lost interest a long time ago. I'm not angry. I
have no feelings for you at all. I know that's hard for a narcissist to
process, but I barely remember you. And if it's been long enough, I
probably spent some time looking right at you, trying to remember who
the heck you were. And then, maybe after an introduction, maybe after
you came running up to me with a big grin like we were long-lost friends
and nothing ever happened between us, it hit me.
You see, I'm not the same person I was when you knew me, but YOU are. I've grown, and you haven't. I've learned from the past, but you haven't. I'm no longer the people-pleasing easy prey I used to be, afraid to "offend" you by not letting you get overly familiar, reluctantly giving you my phone number when you get pushy, even though it was against my better judgment. I have boundaries now. I no longer let people pressure me into going past my own comfort zone just so I can appear "nice." These days, if you happened to be a stranger I just met for the first time, I would not let you steamroll me into too much, too soon. I would be polite and observe, keeping you at arm's length till I could get a read on you. And as soon as I realized you were a narcissist, it would go no further. You'd be gone.
But because we have a history together, it's a little different. I can save some time and eliminate the "getting to know you" phase, because I ALREADY know you. I know what you are. I don't need to re-learn that lesson. So I can just skip right to the "go no further" and "ditch the narcissist" part.
Also, after a year, ten years, twenty years or more, I've learned that I can live very nicely without you. I'm happy, I have a wonderful family and great friends, and God has blessed me so much. Why should I upset the applecart by letting an N back into my life, when everything is fine just the way it is? Why should I ASK FOR trouble and set myself up again for more of your Nabuse? You certainly didn't enrich my life back then, or we'd still be together. You don't add to my joy, you take away from it. So who needs it? When I ask myself what you would be bringing to the party, the answer is nothing. Nothing positive, that is~ but probably plenty of negative.
So no, I'm not still angry or holding a grudge. I'm just over you. I see no reason to open that door again. You're just not worth it. I spend no time brooding about you, and I wish you no ill. I don't care anymore. I have simply lost interest. Staying away from you has worked well for me all this time, so why mess with a good thing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I know it's next to impossible for a narcissist to absorb that someone doesn't care about him anymore, because you think you're the center of the universe, but, actually, you're not. I think YOU are the one who is still brooding and hasn't moved on and gotten over the past, or you wouldn't care anymore either :-0
You see, I'm not the same person I was when you knew me, but YOU are. I've grown, and you haven't. I've learned from the past, but you haven't. I'm no longer the people-pleasing easy prey I used to be, afraid to "offend" you by not letting you get overly familiar, reluctantly giving you my phone number when you get pushy, even though it was against my better judgment. I have boundaries now. I no longer let people pressure me into going past my own comfort zone just so I can appear "nice." These days, if you happened to be a stranger I just met for the first time, I would not let you steamroll me into too much, too soon. I would be polite and observe, keeping you at arm's length till I could get a read on you. And as soon as I realized you were a narcissist, it would go no further. You'd be gone.
But because we have a history together, it's a little different. I can save some time and eliminate the "getting to know you" phase, because I ALREADY know you. I know what you are. I don't need to re-learn that lesson. So I can just skip right to the "go no further" and "ditch the narcissist" part.
Also, after a year, ten years, twenty years or more, I've learned that I can live very nicely without you. I'm happy, I have a wonderful family and great friends, and God has blessed me so much. Why should I upset the applecart by letting an N back into my life, when everything is fine just the way it is? Why should I ASK FOR trouble and set myself up again for more of your Nabuse? You certainly didn't enrich my life back then, or we'd still be together. You don't add to my joy, you take away from it. So who needs it? When I ask myself what you would be bringing to the party, the answer is nothing. Nothing positive, that is~ but probably plenty of negative.
So no, I'm not still angry or holding a grudge. I'm just over you. I see no reason to open that door again. You're just not worth it. I spend no time brooding about you, and I wish you no ill. I don't care anymore. I have simply lost interest. Staying away from you has worked well for me all this time, so why mess with a good thing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I know it's next to impossible for a narcissist to absorb that someone doesn't care about him anymore, because you think you're the center of the universe, but, actually, you're not. I think YOU are the one who is still brooding and hasn't moved on and gotten over the past, or you wouldn't care anymore either :-0
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