Reaction to what Strong people don't do continued.....

This is a continuation of yesterday's post about this article:

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/13-things-mentally-strong-people-dont.html


This is my conversation and reaction to each point in the article...you'll need to go to their web page to read the original.

5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone

There was a time in my life that my survival depended on pleasing someone.  It also became a Self-defeating behavior as an adult.  Aesop tells one of my favorite stories about this:

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey An Aesop's Fable

Aesop's Fable Index

A Man and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: "You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?"

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: "See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides."

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: "Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along."

Well, the Man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said:

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours and your hulking son?"

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey's feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned.

"That will teach you," said an old man who had followed them:

Moral of Aesops Fable: Please all, and you will please none

Not pleasing everyone has long been known as poor choice, yet over and over again people pleasing becomes a self destructive role that hampers growth of the people pleaser and those they try to please.

6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks

 Living in a chaotic world, risks was hard to calculate, not cleaning a room fast enough could result in a spanking, while being destructive could elicit a hug.  Punishing the smallest error but ignoring crimes creates a distorted view of what is a calculated risk.  I remember KavinCoach assigning me to ask for something from someone else.  Take the risk of rejection.  I came back thrilled that I asked for a bread stick at a restaurant and got it.  KavinCoach pointed out that they gave everyone extra bread sticks.  I felt disappointed that he couldn't see what a big deal it was for me to ask for anything.  I asked for more food when I was a child and the request was denied, not because the food wasn't there but because the food was being saved for my brothers.  What is a calculated risk to one person may not seem like that big a deal to someone else.  I am working at not beating myself up for not wanting to go skydiving.  It is a calculated risk, I just don't want to do it.  I also remind myself to not judge someone else's reservation about a choice because I don't know what experiences might be.  What I see as a calculated risk, they may consider to be a known recipe for disaster.  I think a better choice for me on this one is healthy people don't let fear control them.  

7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past

The saddest thing I ever saw was a woman that believed all her glory years were in high school.  She yearned to go back to that harlequin time when everything was better and easier.  My past held me back until I recognized its influence and cut the ties.  One of the important things about counseling is learning how to put the past in its proper place, a learning experience that I can use to build on.  I realize that my past was a messy, but I learned what things not to do to someone else.  I learned things that don't work.  I learned that just because bad stuff happens it doesn't mean that I have to live a miserable life now.  I can put the past in its place....in the past.

8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over

I think this one relates to number 7, don't live in the past but please, learn from it.  Repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again gets tiresome.  The disadvantage of forgetting the past is I am destined to repeat the same mistake.  I used my crock pot this week, I forgot that if I turn the temperature too low, it won't finish cooking before I get home.  Stew was finally cooked the next day.  I need to write a note to myself and put it with the cooker to keep the temperature above 3. But I don't learn from the past when I put myself in the line of fire with an abusive person.  I don't learn from my past when I do the same things that hurt me before.  One of the signs of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results.  Part of counseling was showing me what I could learn from my past.


To be continued.......