Self punishment

One of the weirdest struggles I have is when I self punish.  I am restricting my time on Facebook, not posting 2 of my comments, and putting myself on a diet.  I realized today that I am self punishing.  The diet thing started out innocent enough.  It is a group project with teachers and staff at the school.   We tally points on a sheet for adding a habit, breaking a bad habit, exercising, sleep, and meals.  Any way, I missed some points the first week.  I am anxious about food all the time.  I get one free day a week and I am making huge elaborate plans about all the food I am going to eat and then I punish myself.  I received two comments that are awards.  I haven't accepted either one yet.  All week I feel like I don't deserve them.  Tonight, I realized I was making excuses for punishing myself.  Not fair and not kind to myself.  Irony, is the new habit in the Diet game is to speak kindly to myself.  I'm going to give myself one more week to play the game and make it a game.  Not beat myself up....panic over food....or turn it into a whip to punish myself.  I am going to make healthy choices on my diet free day.  This weekend I am going to accept the awards.  I appreciate both.  I really do.  I am healing.