Your little body was craving carbohydrates because as a child (and as adults) we need them for long-term energy. They also effect neurotransmitters in the brain-so you felt BETTER when you ate the roll-until you were deprived of them secondary to your "Mother's" Projections re: weight and food: That was HER "stuff" she was sticking on you so you were unwittingly in your child's natural naivety placed in the Classic Double Bind: Eat the roll and almost immediately feel better and then, "guilty" for eating them. How sad a child should be deprived of a roll or a piece of bread...
I am so very sorry you were so hungry-especially craving a *particular* food as a growing little one. I use to timidly and quietly ask for a piece of bread from my MN "Mother" because I was starving-and the only "food" I was starving FOR was a piece of bread. I wasn't ever a "picky eater"-under pain of rage or other forms of abuse: I ate everything. There was always terror around food, dinner and the volatile mixture of my MN "Mother" and Dad-especially when my MN "Mother" was on some sort of "diet."
Rant Ahead ;) Please understand I grew up in an affluent household so it wasn't about POVERTY or lack, it was about Power and Control/Withholding over or from a child simply because my MN "Mother" could-deprive me of the one thing I wanted most, that I had the audacity to quietly request or even in response to her invited inquiry: Is this Theme not indicative of *all* of our experiences?
This is *not* just about food, IMO. That which we *most desired* whether it's a particular bit of food or in response to the sadistic "Ohh, please TELL ME, what would you would *most like*?" (smirk) I learned from the time I was 2 or 3 I "wasn't worth" anything including a piece of bread because as a child you can be certain, it would NOT be given. How premeditatedly sadistic and contrived to ensure your child would *not* be given a roll, a piece of bread, an inexpensive little plastic toy on their "Special Day" and then after, having thank my MN "Mother" profusely for what ever she deigned I should receive as a "gift" (or deprive me of a piece of plain old piece of white bread) and hide my disappointment, my burning shame: To deny a hungry child a very simple request.
IMO, specific cravings especially as a little one are indicative of something our bodies NEED. Your desperation to actually take the rolls from the trash, especially as you were such a "good girl" and her response-which *had* to be involved-resulted in "Trash Can Monitors" least her little child pilfer a damn ROLL. From the TRASH. Just because she COULD.
Oh Ruth, I'd make you rolls from scratch, all you ever wanted if you were my child. Warm from the oven, slathered with real butter simply because you were my child and I loved you and *it made you happy.* Something so simple would bring me joy because it bought you, my child, joy. Obviously, food is a topic for me as well-can't cha tell?! ;) Because I KNOW what it's like to be hungry even as an adult. I was dxd. as what would now be called "Failure to Thrive" as an infant because my (VERY WELL EDUCATED) medical professional "Mother" (NO PPD involved here at all, no "lack" of "Household Help") couldn't be bothered to feed me. My Dad became so concerned as I became more listless (I just stopped crying-why bother?) he bought me to the pediatrician who told him I was starving and to feed me all I wanted when ever I wanted. To this day, I have to think about being hungry, remind myself to eat something at least once a day. And yk what? If it's a handful of potato chips, a bit of fruit-SO WHAT?! Sometimes I make english muffins nicely toasted with lots of butter when ever I want 'em! SO THERE, "MOTHER!" ;)
So here-let's have some rolls, Ruth! To go along with our chocolate ;)
TW
Thank you TW, I would love to make rolls with you and I have some very yummy blackberry jam we can put on them.
In today's weight conscious world kids are being put on diets. I have a different solution. Get kids moving. My daughter bought a video game that has my grandson jumping, running in place, and ducking his way through a maze. He loves it. Get a pass to the city pool, take them to the park, go walking with them then everyone gets exercise. Please, don't make food a power struggle. One of the ugly memories I have of my mother was her force feeding my sister oatmeal. My mother was not going to let a toddler dictate what she would eat. My sister would throw it up. My mother would feed her more. Finally she threw up on my mother, the table, the floor, and then my mother finally stopped making her eat it. My sister knows now that she is allergic to oatmeal. She wasn't being a difficult two year old, her body was rejecting what it couldn't tolerate. I watched this happen and could do nothing to stop the insanity of my mother's battle of what she thought my sister should eat vs. what her little body refused to keep down. Children often say they don't like something when in reality they are allergic to it. I do know that children can be very difficult about food. Took me awhile until I could feel that food was not a battle I would choose to engage. I would make sure there was plenty of good food in the house then let the kids figure out the rest. Made life happier all the way around. I wished that I was as relaxed with my older kids as I was with my younger ones.
3 comments:
I hear so much what you and TW are saying. Food was used to manipulate and control me. I have amygdala hijacks around this issue when someone today is trying to control (real or perceived).
I like your idea of getting kids active. I think that it isn't only about being active but actually spending time with kids. Participating and being mindful during the activity with kids is a way they are seen and heard. xx
As new immigrants we really were poor. My father got the bulk of what food was available because he worked hard to provide it so deserved it more than the rest of us. Mother would say, "just fill up on bread." That would be dry bread because she and my father were the only ones allowed butter.
I just remember always being hungry and longing for a taste of the damn butter! To this day, I love the stuff!
I know now that normal parents instinctively nurture and provide for their child. Most would starve themselves before letting their child go hungry. Another reason I grew up feeling frightened and unloved! Starting at age 13, I even had the privilege of preparing the food for my loving parents!
Thank you for sharing your experiences TR and mulderfan.
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