Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior.
Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.
#beyondordinary
I was raised with a distorted view of forgiveness. My abuser would tell me to forgive and forget but they had no intention of changing their behavior. I have studied a lot about forgiveness and decided that forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card for the person hurting me, but it is an opportunity for me to decide that their behavior will no longer affect me. I choose to protect myself from their continued poor behavior. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Forgiveness may lead to reconciliation IF the person that hurt me is interested in developing a healthy relationship. Otherwise, it means I am walking or running in the other direction. This month I have experienced both kinds. One relationship I am hopeful for a positive change whereas the other simply underlined how toxic the relationship is for me and my best choice is to put as much distance as possible. I no longer feel sad about putting the distance in place. I no longer feel sad that this person chooses to hurt people close to them. I am not responsible for fixing a relationship that is not fixable because the other person continues to choose unhealthy behavior. I can forgive them for their short comings but I am not coming close either. I choose to forgive at a healthy distance.
3 comments:
IMO my parents were most likely "broken" long before I was born. At this point, even if I was capable of fixing them, as blogger, Vanci, says "It's not my rock".
Expecting them to change makes me just like them. Even though my motives may be benign, I have no right to impose MY expectations on others.
I'm no longer their caretaker/doormat and, by all accounts, they doing just fine.
Yup. I agree mulderfan.
How the powerful love to lecture the less powerful on what their morality should be; instead of the powerful ones addressing their own behaviour.
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