Do you ever feel like you are running on empty? The fuel needle pegs down and the light is flashing so many miles until you run out of gas? Or are you laying on the couch looking all that needs to be done and your getup and go gotup and went without you? That is how I am feeling. I sat down to write a post and nothing. I even attempted to use an earlier partial post but still nothing. No inspiration. Nothing to say. Not depressed. Not enthusiastic. Not anything. I sat here staring at the computer. Decided to sleep on it. I woke up this morning and still nothing. I spend the few minutes between one alarm going off and another one usually in prayer. It is my quiet time to tell the Lord that I am a bought to set my feet on the floor and from here on out my day gets a little tougher. Sitting on the edge of the bed I can imagine having a great day and making healthy choices. Once I get moving things aren't so easy. As I sat there this morning, I felt impressed to write about feeling nothing. I used to be terrified of the feeling. It meant that I shut down and no one and nothing can reach me. I've done research on emptiness as much as I have on feeling overwhelmed. In a book by Michael Wilcox Face to Face: Seeking a personal relationship with God he shares his idea
of what emptiness can be. Before we can be filled up, we need to empty out. Before we are ready to handle something new, we need to lose something in our lives. This emptying out and filling up process is easily observable. The Sea of Galilee is a vibrant beautiful area. Water comes in and then goes out into the river Jordan. The land is beautiful and growing. However, the Jordan river takes the water to the Dead Sea and it all goes in but nothing comes out. The only way water leaves is through evaporation and this rises the salt content so high nothing lives in the Dead Sea. I am learning that humans aren't much different. Loss, using up, being emptied out is a natural process. However, I was taught to be afraid of it. I was taught that when I emptied out nothing would be added. I was left hungry much of my childhood. Not because there was no food available but because my mother feared fat and didn't want her daughters to be fat so she starved us. Yes, it is insane behavior but she was never diagnosed. If I couldn't be filled physically, how would I believe I could be filled spiritually? Now I am learning that if I am feeling hungry spiritually no amount of food can fill that need. I am empty. Am I humble enough to allow the Lord to fill my soul? Or am I afraid of what I will feel?