Sunday, April 26, 2015


I believe I posted before the acronym FINE.
According to the Italian Job it stands for Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional. This became the FINE I used when people asked me how I was but I didn't want to share what I was feeling.  Now I have a new one that I believe answers far more accurately.... Thanks to my friend for sharing this with me. 

FINE - Feelings I'm Not Expressing

Choosing to change my status from victim to survivor a necessary step is to stop lying, especially to myself.  The lies are numerous....

It's not that bad.
Others have it worse.
I don't deserve good things to happen.
I'm not good enough. 
I made them angry.
I deserve the bad things that happened.
I shouldn't ask for help.
I have to do ___________. (Fill in the blank.)

These are said so often, for so long that they start to feel like the truth.  Of course the number one answer to question, "How are you?"  You got it, "I'm fine."

 I would say I'm fine not because I felt that way but because it was the expected response.  I wanted to change the automatic lies without dumping on people more than they want to hear.  (Yes, on one occasion I didn't want to talk to a person so I purposely talked about having cancer. The person suddenly had somewhere else to be.)  From an early age we are encouraged to think about others and the expected response.  Most people asking "How are you?" don't actually want to know.  The new definitions for fine helped me to embrace my truth without plunging others into the quagmire of my existence.  I know some people actually want to know how I am and I endeavor to share an answer reflective of how I am feeling.  I am learning that just because I have a feeling it doesn't mean it needs to control my life.  It also doesn't mean I need to ignore it.  Sometimes I have feelings that I sit with....inquire what they need from me or any action I may need to take in response to the feeling.  I am learning that sometimes a feeling just wants to be acknowledged.  Sometimes I'm FINE.


TR said...

I used FINE this way too as an automatic expected response. Funny, I use it when I don't want to share with someone b/c I know they are not interested from past behaviors.

Ruth said...

Thanks TR... nice to hear from you.