Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Fear vs. Faith

A dimmer switch ~ I really need a dimmer switch.  Too often when I think about problems and solutions I tend to head towards the extremes of the perfect, ideal solution setting myself up to fail since I rarely reach those lofty, ideal heights.  So when it comes to having faith I often feel like I fail since I seem to feel a lot of fear too.  I have heard it said that Faith and Fear can not coexist.  I keep wondering if perhaps it is more of a continuum since I seem to be in a constant state of "Feel the fear and do it anyway."   One example,  when I got pregnant shortly after getting married at age 19, I was so scared that I didn't buy anything for the baby.  I was taught that teenage mothers were more likely to have children with birth defects.  I was afraid I would not be bringing my baby home.  I was nauseated, miserable and terrified.  I felt this way from the beginning.  The fear sucked away much of the joy of a first pregnancy.  I didn't share my fear with very many people.  When we went to the hospital I had been up for 3 days having contractions.  I was too tired to feel much of anything but relief that the baby was coming at last.  After giving birth to a beautiful baby boy, I counted all the fingers and toes.  The next day the nurse asked me what outfit I was taking our baby home in.  I looked at the nurse blankly.  I hadn't considered that possibility that I would get to take the baby home.  Now, I make baby blankets and give them away to anybody having a baby.  I know what it is to feel so much fear that all the joy is sucked out of an experience.  Yet I had enough faith to get married and start a family.  Many experiences in my life I recognize the fear that I feel and move forward anyway because I feel the outcome is worth fighting past my fear.  Counseling started out with the idea that I would learn how to communicate.  I had no idea what kind of fears I would face.  Yet I moved forward with faith that something good would come out of it.  I now enjoy all my children and grandchildren.  I was blessed with being with one of my daughters when she had her baby.  I shared with her joy and happiness that I never felt.  If fear and faith do not intermingle than what have I been doing most of my life.  I feel the fear and go forward anyway.  I am learning that the more faith I have the greater joy I feel.  But feeling fear does not stop me from moving forward unless I let it.


Ami said...

Thank you Ruth. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now.

Deena said...

Well said, Ruth. So often people let fear rule thier decisions and then they begin to miss more and more of life. I'm glad you are able to stand so strong before fear.