You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.Jeannette Rankin
This one popped up on my quote page this week. With an Earthquake in Washington, DC a rare occurrence, and another one in Peru, a frequent occurrence, Earthquakes are on everyone's mind. Thanks to internet access everyone hears about them. But with both, the devastation is not always visible. The Washington Monument has stood for years but being rocked from below, cracks are showing up. I think the same thing happens with abuse especially child abuse; their world gets rocked from below and the stresses show as cracks in behavior. Few people saw the Earthquake but that didn't stop the results. Just because the abuses are hidden doesn't mean that the devastation isn't real.
Wars are out in the open. Destroying all in its path. One of the other quotes, "The end of the war just shows who survived." No one wins when hatred is spread through the world until war breaks out. What is even more mystifying is when that war is in the home. No one may see the battles only the devastation left in its wake. Too often the one baring the worse damage is then blamed for the whole. People judge that the one that is damaged must be the reason. I still remember reading the web page of a person that admitted to being severely abused by his mother. Someone actually posted the question, "What did you do to deserve it?" The Washington Monument didn't do anything to deserve being damaged. The hardest thing for me to accept when I remembered my childhood abuse was to accept that my only error was being born. No one wins. Relationships crack and fall a part. The damage occurred and no one saw why.
How does one explain someone in public stating how wonderful you are but in private how you would just be better if you changed this or that? Letting you know that what ever you are now is not acceptable. The barrage of criticism disguised as concern. The name calling, pinching, and other abusers are hidden from the public eye. Then the reaction sets in and the child that reacts is blamed. Well ~ if you were a better child this wouldn't happen. A child invalidated, hurting, a cracked foundation by forces that nobody saw. You can not see an Earthquake only the devastation left in its wake. I hope to someday accept completely that I was a little girl that wasn't bad and didn't deserve what happened. No more than the Washington Monument wasn't bad and didn't deserve what happened to it.
6 comments:
"my only error was being born" This is a very sad statement. The birth of an innocent child is no one's "error" least of all her own. You did not choose to be born but those that brought you into the world OWED you the basics: love, food, shelter and SAFETY. They let you down and they alone are responsible for the cracks in your foundation. If they were decent human beings they would have admitted their responsibility, then loved and supported you as you worked to repair those cracks. Instead, they just added to your stress which is unforgivable.
Hugs, P/M
'Too often the one baring the worse damage is then blamed for the whole.'
So true.xx Take care xx
Thanks P/M. I appreciate your comment this morning.
Nyssa, I am working on learning to take care.
The cracks are what make us tumble eventually. I wish there was a way to repair the damage. Maybe together we will eventually come to an answer. I understand and appreciate you sharing your thoughts today.
KAP
Spot on. If I may, I'll add this as a direct link from The Project, in tomorrow's post. This ties in perfectly to what I'm working on there.
Reminder: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Absolutely. Link away. I think your writing has inspired me so many times. I am glad to return the help. :)
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