Cool....

I have a pause button...Thanks NewCounselor for pushing it. 

You know having PTSD a person learns how many buttons can be pushed to activate the "Fight or Flight" sequence in the human mind.  After 8 years of counseling, I have identified many of them and either deactivated them or put up a "Do Not Disturb" sign.  Unfortunately, Thanksgiving is a major hot button and comes around EVERY year.  No getting out of it, there it is every November in the USA.  This past week I have become more and more wound up.  Today, I had my counseling session.  I am down to less than 4 hours of sleep per night.  My insides feel like I swallowed about 200 jumping beans.  I was wired and worn out all at the same time.  Before integration, I would have switched several times trying to find one of us to take on the stress of Thanksgiving.  I poured out my fear to my counseling session and he told me to stop.  OK.  Had I talked about my stress of Thanksgiving before?  Yes.  Did it help? Not particularly.  Are you in the same place now?  WHOA.  About half those jumping beans took off.  Step-by-step NewCounselor talked me through how I am different now.  He had a very cool metaphor about ignoring the fire breathing dragon.  That took me one step away from the problem.  I considered carefully what he said to me.  I started working through just the current problems.  I can't change my past.  The only Thanksgiving I need to worry about is this one.  I am NOT going to be hungry.  I know my kids doing a pot luck dinner there will be enough food to put me into a food stupor.  I do not need to be with my NM who has her own problems coping with Thanksgiving.  I do not need to be her target.  Nice.  I can make decisions on how I will enjoy this Thanksgiving.  By the time the session was over all those buzzing jumping beans were gone.  I felt relaxed and optimistic.  WOW.  I felt very cool, calm and collected.  Yeah. I am going to have great Thanksgiving. 

I'm not the turkey.  I can relax and enjoy.