Ever seen the quote, "Love like you have never been hurt?" I saw it again on Vwoopvwoop's blog. I like posting comments there. She makes me feel welcomed and wanders over here. You know sometimes it is not until you write something or say something that you connect with how you feel about it? Maybe it is just my dissociation that I don't always see the connection. This is my comment I decided to go ahead and post there:
That is hard to do when you are not even sure what that looks like. The hurting began when I was a toddler. Not much of a chance to find out what it looks like to love like you have never been hurt.
Really messes with my mind to realize that I have no idea what it looks like or feels like to Love like you have never been hurt. I know what it is to love my children and anyone that has been through childbirth knows that is not pain free. The first time they have to get a shot or they fall and get hurt your heart just jerks all over the place. Then my own early memories have been wickedly hard to remember for a reason. I was told that I was always smiling and so happy. My mother finally gave me my baby book. Most of the pictures except the posed ones I am not smiling. Pain was my childhood. I was not beaten like Dave Pelzer in a "Child Called It." Emotional abuse isn't 'recognized' as being all that bad. (In my opinion it is one of the worst. People don't see the bruises so dismiss the damage.) Nobody paid attention that I ate out of the garbage cans at school until they started posting a teacher there so kids wouldn't throw away so much food. Then I begged the kids I sat by to give me anything they didn't want. Neglect is hard to prove after all I had a stay at home mom that bragged about the wonderful meals she fixed. She just didn't mention that she wouldn't let her girls eat. Or told us that we would be fat and then nobody would like us. The sexual abuse is taboo. I have seen people react with shock when I openly admit to being sexually abused like I should be ashamed it happened. It happened. Full stop. End of sentence. I'm not dead so I have gone way past the statutes of limitations besides the main abuser is dead. Doesn't count some of the others. I realize now why I never could connect with that quote. I just don't know what it is like to love like you have never been hurt.
7 comments:
I had the exact same thought you did. What does that look like? Taking it a step further. I don't think that's what love from Jesus looks like. He was hurt, and loves anyway. So maybe it would be better as "Love. No matter how badly you've been hurt."
Except my DD, everyone I ever loved has hurt me in some way even my late DH. His illness changed him into someone I didn't know so I am able to forgive and remember back to happier times.
I don't let my guard down any more. If I don't let them in they can't hurt me.
Hugs P/M
Laurel, you are right. I could connect with that statement.
mulderfan your DD is very special. I am sorry DH had an illness that changed him. That is something people really don't understand how someone you love gets sick and then they no longer behave like the person you love. Hugs to you.
Ruth
i certainly *do* wander over here ;)
the idea of love without pain makes me feel so wistful and i long for it so much, maybe that's the driving force behind the quote. i really want to love like i haven't been hurt. the ways i've been hurt show up in relationships in devastating ways that limit my enjoyment of such incredible experiences as love and trust.
i fully understand your reaction to it, and i'm grateful for your input because it's not the first time that seemingly innocent words have had a negative impact. I value your voice and I'm honored to get to know your experience with love.
despite it all, i still maintain that it's possible to recapture what was lost. maybe it's a futile hope, but it's hope nonetheless.
<3
Dear Ruth
I am sorry you were treated so cruelly. One thing’s for certain your parents didn’t deserve you. Trust is a major component of love. One always has to be on ones guard I feel.
You are in my thoughts and my prayers
XX Molly
vwoopvwoop Thank you. I agree with you. This line "despite it all, i still maintain that it's possible to recapture what was lost. maybe it's a futile hope, but it's hope nonetheless." really touched my heart. No matter how much you have been hurt your hope remains. Thank you for sharing that. You are amazing.
Thank you Molly, I appreciate your prayers. They are working. I feel more peaceful this morning and less wounded.
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