Thriving List

I love NCIS.  Yup, I drop just about everything so I can watch.  When I first watched I didn't like it much but then it just kind of grew on me.  Abby and McGee are two awesome geeks.  I understand their thinking.  Kind of fun.  Back to where I am going with this.  This weeks episode revealed Tony working on a 'Bucket list.'  If you want to check it out this is the link....
http://www.cbs.com/shows/ncis/insiders_blog/72461/
(I actually do follow this show on my Facebook.) 

Here's what I have noticed... People with a bucket list have a certain number of things they want to do before they die.  The cool thing is that some of the things on their list inspire them to do something really amazing or out of their comfort zone.  My daughter took trapeze lessons and encouraged several of her friends to do the same.   She accomplished this before she was 30 years old.  Her bucket list inspires her to do things she wouldn't other wise do. 

I hit rock bottom when I was 34 years old.  I lived a half life.  More dead than alive.  I could be up for 20 minutes a day.  Being a multiple personality complicated recognizing the severe symptoms of extreme depression.  One dark night, I decided I wanted to live.  Since then I have been on a daily struggle how to get out of that pit of despair.  I did medical test, I studied medical journals, I prayed.  Time and time again the Shadow Warrior would beat me down.  I wanted something more.  I wasn't afraid to die but I didn't want to leave my little children.  I worked and studied more.  I learned about orphan illnesses and genetic glitches.  I learned all I could about medical stuff then finally gave in and went to counseling.  Medical stuff was a piece of cake compared to what came next.  Early on KavinCoach encouraged me with the statement, "I don't want you to just survive, I want you to thrive."  The first time he told me this I nodded my ahead and agreed with him.  The following week I came back and asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"  Thriving became my new long term goal.  I studied.  I integrated.  I prayed.  I learned things that I had no idea existed.  I am working on a list.  The heading is as follows...

If I am thriving, what would I be doing.....

1.  Have a tickle fight with the grandkids.
2.  Stand up for myself where ever I am and not just for special occasions.
3.  Know what I would want to put on a bucket list.
4.  Not apologize for being who I am.
5.  Look people in the eye when I talk to them. 
6. Say 'no' without giving an explanation.
7.
8.
9.

As I learn what 'thriving' looks like I want to try out this new way of living.  I have lived in the shadows, now I want to live in the sunshine.  Thriving is living in the sunshine.