Sexual Abuse

 ***** Reading this may be offensive or triggering for some readers***** 
Continue on at your own risk.

I put sexual abuse in a class of its own.  True it is a form of physical abuse but it is also an emotional abuse.  The combination of these two leaves long lasting scars.

I wish at times the power of complete dissociation were still available to me.  It is not.  I am going to do the best I can to share some of the results I and others have suffered from the decision of others to sexually molest or rape children.  In my opinion, children are not capable of consensual sex.  To consent one must understand the far reaching consequences of a choice.  A neglected child is starving for attention.  Unfortunately, there are individuals that will take advantage of a child's desire for attention and twist this natural desire to their own perverted wishes.  First and foremost the child becomes an object.  A thing to satisfy a lust for domination and control.  This type of treatment teaches a child that they are less than a second class citizen.  They are not even a person at all but a thing to be used and manipulated as the other person wants.  Tragically a child is also of the mind set that everything is their fault and a pedophile will push that concept.  A sick, cruel attack blaming the child and telling them it is their fault they were too pretty, too bad, too...whatever twisted logic that can be used to blame the child.  This deliberate twisting of natural tendencies is so cruel.  Boys and girls are molested.  The statistics are too sketchy to even guess at the actual numbers.  To me, sexual abuse encompasses both physically touching the child's genitals and breast to sexual stimulate the perpetrator or the victim and showing and sharing sexual content that is not appropriate for the age of the child.  The full penetration of child, rape or sodomy, invades the most basic boundary, your skin.  When this most basic boundary is violated, how can a child believe that they have a right to any other boundary?   Like physical abuse, a child may forget the incident but the body does not. The more frequently and longer the child is molested the deeper the emotional scarring.  However, like a balloon being poked with a pin one incident can be enough to cause extensive damage.  When the perpetrator is a care giver for the child, the emotional betrayal is as damaging or worse than the physical hurt.  The consequences for the child can last well into the adult years.    

If you would like further information please follow the links below:
http://www.childwelfare.gov/can/identifying/sex_abuse.cfm
http://www.medicinenet.com/child_abuse/article.htm

A wall of silence, fear, and shame surrounds sexual abuse.  When I chose to start speaking up, a person asked me how I could admit to being sexual abused.  Even as an adult, I was being treated as if I had done something wrong.  These websites both share some statistics but readily admit that this type of abuse is under reported.  Victims have been called liars, threatened, ostracized, and blamed.  The confusion and fear mingled with feelings not understood become a child's legacy into adulthood.  The challenge of the victim is to survive.  The challenge of the survivor is to learn to thrive. 

Signs to watch for:  long periods of time with an adult and child alone, a child sharing information or behaviors that seem far advanced to the age of the child, changes in personality, severe nightmares, secretive behavior, fear of a person or place are a few clues.

Several years ago my mother finally gave me my baby book that she recorded events up through first grade.  In kindergarten, she wrote about my change in behavior to moody and not as care free.  The whole thing was dismissed as 'girls are so emotional.'  Sexual abuse is now getting more attention.   A new tragedy is the 'witch hunts' for perpetrators from recovered memories.  Unfortunately, recovered memories are not always accurate.  Sometimes the child will blame someone innocent because they fear or love of the one molesting them.  Proof is difficult.  If you are aware of a child being sexually molested please get involved and get them help.  If you are a survivor, do not give up hope, healing is possible.  Also, if the perpetrator is still in your life, do not leave your children with them.  Rarely will a perpetrator change without outside interference.