I am learning to accept my past. It made me who I am today. The challenge now is to own the present and not fear the future. My past does things to me like flashing horrific images. I am never quite sure if they are my memories or something I read in a book or saw on TV. The brain does not always distinguish between these. I stumble on a trigger and I am suddenly terrified. Or shivering so violently that someone else can see the movement. I blame being cold, a lot. I joke that I was born in the desert. I tell people that I am part lizard. They buy the excuse every time. The list of movies, TV shows, and books are increasing that I ban myself from watching. Used to be I could read or watch anything and be unaffected. Now, I am feeling. Sometimes I feel happy. Sometimes I feel like the rage will tear me back into pieces. This week I feel emotionally and physically exhausted. The slightest effort leaves me totally drained. My mind wants to do far more than my body can ever accomplish. Other times I mess up and I have to own what I have done. I get frustrated with how easily I totally flake out and not do something that I planned to do. Then I feel sad. Consequences suck. Especially the kind of consequence that doesn't have an edit undo.
Added by mulderfan:
"Yesterday, today and tomorrow
There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said - yesterday is gone.
The other day we shouldn't worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities,
Its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does,we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!" ~anon
2 comments:
In our area we read this at every AA meeting:
"Yesterday, today and tomorrow
There are two days in every week we should not worry about, two days that should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.
Yesterday has passed, forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. Nor can we erase a single word we've said - yesterday is gone.
The other day we shouldn't worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities,
Its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.
Tomorrow is beyond our control.
Tomorrow's sun will rise either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds but it will rise. And until it does,we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day - today. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when we add the burdens of yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.
It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse of bitterness for something that happened yesterday, and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.
Let us, therefore, live one day at a time!" ~anon
Thanks.
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