PTSD with Dissociation at the extreme

One of the comments this week mentioned that they are working out how parts or alters interact with PTSD.  From what I have learned PTSD can have many different symptoms attached to the disorder.  For me, Dissociation at the extreme was my counselor's description of functioning as a multiple personality.  I am thankful for the description when my work demanded information on some of the problems that crept into my work time.  The place that I worked at labeled me Emotionally Disabled but they were still fairly clueless about what was happening inside of me.  I guess not being able to feel any emotion some of the time is considered a disability.  After integration, I figured out the connect between multiple personality and PTSD.  I naively thought that once I integrated all the symptoms of PTSD would go away.  I was so wrong.  I discovered that once I integrated that I didn't know how to deal with the PTSD.  Yes, I asked KavinCoach in less than pleasant tones why the hell he encouraged me to integrate if it didn't solve the PTSD.  He explained that in his opinion multiple personality disorder was a child's way of coping with extreme trauma.  As an adult, multiple personalities interfered with learning healthier ways to approach PTSD recovery.  As a child good ruth went home to be a good girl, little ruthie kept all the secrets about how bad she was.  (Children do assume responsibility for adult's misdeeds.)  Later, Maria stepped up and did things the ruth and ruthie would never do because it needed to be done.  She functioned the most with the pedophile.  Then another split occurred and Marie emerged totally without feelings and an ability to be absolutely obedient irregardless of the insanity of the request.  (Marie came in very handy with unreasonable teachers and bosses.)  Sammy watched over all of the parts to make sure we didn't harm each other.  In my book, I refer to myself as being run by a committee that hated each other.  Each part dealt with some form of the trauma I experienced but I didn't have an integrated way of functioning.  Information, experience, and reasoning were not shared.  Yes, I survived.  In my opinion, every multiple personality should be considered an ultimate survivor.  Thriving becomes an issue.  Healthy living is difficult when you are going along and suddenly you are no longer functioning and someone else is there instead.  Gaps in time left me bewildered as to where 3 or 4 hours went or even where several days had disappeared.  I do believe that multiple personalities was a blessing for my growing up years.  I couldn't have done some of the things I did without it.  But it was one of those things that worked for a time.  When I started counseling, I went because I was no longer coping with life and needed a new solution.  Multiple personalities kept me from using my new skills.  How could I say no, if one of the other personalities always said yes?  How could I be accountable, if I didn't even know what I had done?  How could I negotiate a compromise if I couldn't come to an agreement of what I needed within myself? I did chose to integrate with everybody inside and intact.  I made the choice that no one was going to be left out.  I wanted all of me.  Yes, I did consider the possibility of not integrating more than once.  Seemed like every time I was about to decide not to integrate something happened that showed me how it was keeping me from doing the things that I thought were important.  Healing PTSD is one of those important things.  As a multiple I could handle, cope, and survive PTSD but healing didn't seem to happen for me.  I don't know if others can heal PTSD and stay a multiple.  I found that I couldn't heal PTSD and stay a multiple.  Integrating is a very personal choice.  I don't know of any one that integrated without assistance.  Might be because they never wrote a book about it but I can only work with what I know.  PTSD is playing a smaller and smaller part in my life.  I am looking for the day when I can say, "I had PTSD."