Saturday, March 24, 2012

Toxic Abuse......

Reading about abuse and the consequences to the survivor I almost get the feeling that abuse only effects part of my life. Not true. The consequence effects every aspect of how I view myself, my lack of self confidence, my driving desire to prove myself, my relationships, my self talk, my whole life seems to be effected much like a neighborhood close to a toxic wasted plant that dumps pollution into the air, in the water, across the surface of my land scape. I am not the abuse, but it seems to stretch out in every direction suffocating me. Rough night ahead. I believe that things will be better in the morning. But this is now, what I am trying to believe is that there is something besides abuse in my life.

9 comments:

mulderfan said...

Read somewhere, don't let the past define the present.

Recovery never seems to be a smooth road, there always going to be bumpy bits and detours.

Each morning is a new start.

Hugs P/M

Ruth said...

Thanks for the reminder P/M.

Ellen said...

I think surveying the damage is a step we have to go through Ruth. Maybe many times. I'm kind of at that place right now also, and it's a hard place to be in.

You obviously have a lot of good things in your life, and you will see that again I know. And toxic waste can be disposed of.

Ruth said...

Thanks Ellen, that helps more than you realize. Hugs.

inviziblepain said...

Abuse is toxic.. It does effect every aspect of our being but like you said "we are not the abuse". The fog gets thick sometimes and it's hard to see through but eventually it starts to discipate and things become more clear on the other side... hope things begin to get more clear for you. Thank you for your email recently, you've come a long way and have a lot to offer...
Keep your chin up!
IP
p.s. put you on my blog roll today, hope thats ok.

Ruth said...

Thanks IP, I am honored that you put me on your blog roll. Moving forward through thick fog has its own special kind of fear.

Evan said...

Hi Ruth, I don't really have anything to add to what the others have said - your visceral reactions to and rejection of the abuse shows there is more to you than the abuse.

Laurel Hawkes said...

I'm loving what Hugh Jackman said when asked, "What do you do when you don't feel like going on stage?" He does eight shows a week, every week, when he's doing a Broadway show. At first, he tried to fake being upbeat, but felt like the audience knew. His wife told him to own the feeling, to be in the present, and allow himself to be moved forward by what he was doing, because he truly loves what he's doing.

So maybe, the key is to find what you love doing, own the miserable feelings and allow what you love to pull you into what you truly want to be.

Now, if only I can make that work for me. I'm trying it.

Ruth said...

Thanks Evan.

I NewCounselor is telling me about the same thing. Thanks for adding it here.