Parenting

upsi posted an awesome summary of an article on parenting.
http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2012/03/discipline.html

It was kind of surprising and cool to read someone else stating the same thing I believed in raising kids.  I believed that children were the richest gift and deserve my respect.  They are humans with their own thoughts, ideas, and preferences from the beginning.  They are not mini-adults and not extensions of myself.  I believe children need to be taught.  I prefer the word 'teach' over train or discipline.  Training is something I do to a dog.  Discipline is a word from hell from my childhood.  Huge negative association of pain and harsh words to get me to behave in a disciplined and civilized manner irregardless of my hopes, dreams or desires.   Discipline I felt was devoid of emotion and certainly without compassion.  Teaching takes caring about who you teach.  I don't mean the kind of teacher that stands soullessly spouting facts to an audience.  I am referring to the amazing kind that sit down next to you and show you a world you never dreamed existed.  I was blessed with many amazing photographer professors that lived my ideal of a teacher.  They taught me and helped me grow into my best self.  That is what I hoped I did.  I worked under a handicap of being fairly clueless and severe health problems.  But I kept trying.  I also believe that in teaching a child the kindest thing to do is recognize that a child thinks, feels, and has capabilities different from an adult.  KavinCoach had me repeat several times how old I was when I was given responsibility to care for my younger bother and sister.  I was nine years old expected to fill in for an engulfing NM.  She felt since she knew how to do it, all she had to say to me was take care of them.  I did my best and messed up.  I felt like a failure and she emphasized I was a failure.  I learned from my mother's cutting words how I was a failure.  I hadn't even made it to high school before my self esteem was in shreds.  Now my children are all grown.  I asked KavinCoach how to handle my relationship with my adult children.  He told me I get PomPoms.  Say What?  Yup.  Pompoms.  You know the kind a cheer leader uses.  That's it.  He then told me that raising kids is like a football game.  When your kids are little, the parent is the quarter back out there on the field telling everyone what to do.  (During this stage of my parenting a friend asked me if I had ever been a drill Sargent.  I worked at asking my children for cooperation instead of demanding.)  When your kids are teenagers the parent is taken off the field and is given a whistle.  Now the parent is a coach, yelling from the sidelines suggesting the plays but accepting that their child is now in the game of life making their own decisions more and more frequently.  Then the children become an adult.  Dun-ta-dun-dun (Drum roll please.) The whistle is taken away and the parents get pompoms.  Cheering wildly for their kids.  You know, I have amazing kids that are amazing adults and I feel so blessed to have them sharing my life.  Please, teach the children.