Boundaries

I worked hard to put healthy boundaries in place.  Unfortunately, when my Dad went in for a pacemaker, I dropped my boundaries in favor of trying to meet the needs of my parents.  Big Mistake.  Much of what I have suffered these last 2 weeks is because I let my boundaries fall.  What is the use of a boundary if I drop it during high stress times.  I am putting my boundaries back in place. Boundaries are my protection from those that do not take my needs into consideration.  Boundaries show where another person ends and I began.  It was my lack of boundaries that got me into counseling in the first place.  I wanted to know what they were.  Curiously, DH and I taught our kids boundaries but I didn't understand what they were or how to use them.  KavinCoach was fascinated by my ability to teach something that I myself didn't understand.  He asked my how I did this.  I explained, "What every my mother did, I did the opposite."  My mother did not allow me to have boundaries or hold down a job or encourage me to discover myself.  She had her agenda for me and by damn I better follow her suggestion.  I am choosing to put as much distance between my mother and I as possible.  To add another dimension to this, today my father lectured me on being gentler with my mother.  Yup, I yelled at her several times.  I was tired and frustrated with her trying to manipulate me.  I was told to back off by the person my mother put at risk for his life because of her shenanigans.  It was the same as when I was a teenager.  My mother behaved unreasonably, I call her on her behavior, she dramatically melts into this sniveling mass of emotion, and I'm the bad guy. REALLY.  Back to no alone time with mother.  I loss sleep, weight, and peace of mind over all this mess and my parents behavior.  I am stepping back and away from them as much as I can.  The main boundary I am putting back is: "Never be alone with my mother."  I am adding my father to that list.  Tomorrow is another day.  Breathe...Breathing is good.