Saga Continues

My parents blew it.  I told them to be nice to my sister and work with her, because she is nicer than I am.  They didn't cooperate with her at all.  So yesterday, I sat down with them and worked through what needed to be done this week.  I made the decision that my mother can no longer drive so I take responsibility to transport them to their doctor visit.  Heavenly Father blessed me with a miracle in the shape of a lovely elderly friend of my parents who brought an application for them to use Dial-a-ride.  I was delighted.  Another piece to the puzzle on how to keep my parents from driving and give them their independence.  They can call for Dial-a-ride and go where ever they need to go.  My mother sat dejectedly appearing to be compliant.  I knew that look.  I knew she wasn't really listening to our solutions that we were working on.  I kept watching her.  At the end, I asked if there was any other concerns about driving.  She brought up a church commitment, I found a solution.  Her eyes flashed for a brief second.  I knew something was coming next.  I calmly asked again if there was anything else.  I should know by now that she wouldn't attack me directly with my husband sitting next to me.  She instead verbally needled a subject that she knew would hurt my sister.  The whole time she was talking she was looking between my sister and I to see who she could draw emotional blood from first.  She hit the mark with my sister.  Judy shares her perspective on her blog.
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2014/06/17/truce-is-over/
I really did warn my parent to be nice to my sister because she is nicer than I am.  Now, they will be dealing with me.  I know that sometimes people are able to walk away from abusive parents.  I admire them tremendously.  I think if they were in a nursing home of some type and they had no car I would walk away.  Unfortunately, they still have a car and current drivers licenses.  I feel like my job is to get my mother off the road.  This means I am still engaged.  However, using the 10 steps I outlined on Monday (yes I reviewed them before going to their house) I am able to have a conversation that solves issues without hurting me.  Fortunately, my mother piously declared that my sister and I cannot raise our voices at her.  Cool.  That means the next time she hysterically shouts at me I can calmly reply that she may not raise her voice at me.  Yup, this is going my way.  The encounter ended on an unpleasant note.  That is ok.  A healthy reminder that I am not working with nice old folks that need a little help as they age.  I am working with someone that is seething in anger and wants to find someone to vent her rage.  I'm not it.  My husband commented that he hadn't seen her act like that before.  Yup, the mask is coming off and others are seeing what my sister and I have known for years.  My mother is not acting any differently than she did when I was a child....just more people are seeing how she behaves.  It really is sad in many ways.  But pity does not lower my boundaries.  Through out the conversation I kept my boundaries firmly in place. 

Really.....