Sundays arrive every week right after Saturday, have you ever noticed how that works? Imagine drilling into a persons mind that every Sunday they should feel guilty and bad for all the wrongs committed during the week and they can't possibly make things better. The person now has a repeating trigger for feeling depressed, overwhelmed, guilty, and discouraged. Some people blame this on God, others on religion, and still others just keep reinforcing their own feelings of badness or numb it out through addictions and emotional numbing. I experienced it first hand. Fortunately, a religious teacher helped me sort out my own belief. He encouraged me to study and read and find out for myself. He helped me see that people are separate from my faith. Since my high school experience, I studied what people do centered on religion. Do I believe I did the right thing for my children....not always. Do I share what I believe....yes, I do. Where does teaching and sharing end and abuse begin?
I studied World history enough to know that for a war to become really brutal mix in religion. The Inquisition, Religious cleansing by killing everyone of one faith, the Holy wars and jihad are a few examples of committing crimes in the name of religion. Survivors often associate the brutality of man with the desires of God/Buddha/Mohammad. From my personal experience, I learned that those that profess to know God's mind are sometimes the last to know. I witnessed crimes done in the name of religion. Thanks to my teacher I found out for myself that what cruelty man did, God had no hand in it.
Another aspect of religious distortions is teaching that if you are good and faithful nothing bad will happen. Not true, John the Baptist was a good man and lost his head. Prophets were imprisoned and stoned. There is no scripture basis for a life following Christ and Heavenly Father as being comfortable and easy. I learned that spiritual safety is quite different from physical safety. I learned that the very essence of religious abuse is to destroy a persons soul. Distortions, twisting perspectives, ridicule, verbal berating, and other tools are the things that twist a spirit into believing black is white and white is black. Yes, people do this in the name of God and religion. It is wrong and evil.
Do I believe there is a solution? Yes, I do. Study for yourself from scriptures and all the best books. Listen to others then study what you learned out in your mind. If you believe in meditation, meditate. If you believe in prayer, pray. If you believe in chanting, chant. Truth is not easily acquired. It is sought after. I agree with my sister when she says that the truth will set you free but first it will make you really miserable. I pray. I attend church. I hope for those around me to feel peace. I have faith in Christ as my savior. That faith was not easy or how I was taught. I studied and prayed and studied some more and prayed some more. I took myself on my own spiritual journey and I am loving the trip. I am getting to know Job and the struggles he experienced. I studied the life of Joseph sold into Egypt. I read books from other religions. I visited cathedrals in Rome. Anyone at any time can embark on a spiritual journey to find their relationship to God. Corrie and Betsy Ten Boom proved that it did not matter where you were, your spiritual journey is your own.
I feel sad when I read in a blog that someone is unable to use AA because God is mentioned. I feel restrained from mentioning my belief in Christ because I don't want to cause someone else pain or discouragement if they do not believe what I believe. For myself, much of my healing is centered in my faith in Christ. I can't fix some of the things I messed up. However, I can take responsibility for my actions and work everyday to improve how I treat others. I feel dismay that my mentioning that I would pray for someone would cause them distress. I believe the cruelest thing about religious abuse is convincing a person that they are cut off from God and Eternity.
2 comments:
Ruth, You *live* your faith-that's a HUGE difference from what I've observed. In my own mind, it's impossible for me to think of you as somehow separate from your faith and it has sustained you from your earliest years. IMO, it's a gift you've been given and you live it as such-it's clearly something special and personal to you, *in* you and manifested in your daily life.
It seems people get "offended" by just about anything and everything even when it's offered from your heart. I know you're absolutely correct when you state it's people who have used their "faith" to impose cruelty, wars etc. on others.
I also know attending Catholic schools in the '50's and '60's has very adversely affected my views and experience of religion: There was no place safe growing up.
I've been given 2 Bibles over the years, one from my S/M Honey after her death and who I loved dearly-still do. Recently, I broke her's open and read about Joseph's trials and tribulations, his testing of his brothers (who sold him into slavery) to assess their character, to have them demonstrate to his satisfaction whether or not they *had* changed from their younger years. (He sure didn't make it easy for them!) I found it very instructive in terms of repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation and judicious use of power. I'm also interested in the views presented in the Old and New Testament regarding evil, character, and forgiveness. I've started reading a little every night.
So much of what has been done to us as ACs has been in the realm of our spirit. Working with Combat Vets for years underscores what many of us have long observed independently: The wounds we don't see, PTSD, unquestionably has a spiritual component. I know, we're straying into the potential pit-falls of religion here, but please bear with me: Without a doubt, what they are grappling with at least in part are wounds to the human spirit.
I'm beginning to strongly suspect what I was "taught" in Catholic schools was completely wrong. The "god" I learned about was a terrifying figure, one of retribution and one whom I was always offending somehow-nothing "loving" or kind about this entity! My "Daily Word" which my S/M Honey introduced me to years ago is a non-denominational approach, a little "thought" for each day and I've enjoyed it for years. I guess I'm now "ready" to start reading Honey's Bible which she read each night quietly before turning off the light to go to sleep. She never discussed in any detail her deep Christian beliefs with me at all but she also lived her Faith. I came to love her very, very much even though as she said, "I know I'm so late coming into you life" but having her in my life at all went a long way in repairing the damage from growing up with my MN "Mother." Because I *never* heard her say a negative word about anyone, I was quite shocked one day when she (now in her 80's) said to me quite stridently, "TW, don't you understand? There are *people* in *this world* who are simply EVIL." (WHEW! Coming from HER?! That gave me cause to pause!) Honey was the most unconditionally loving human being I've ever encountered. If there's anyone I most admire, love and respect it's her: She has been a Gift to me.
So are you.
Ruth, if someone is somehow offended by your offer of prayer, if they know anything about you AT ALL, they'd respond with "Thank you!"
Since they didn't, I will: THANK YOU, RUTH.
TW
Thank you TW for sharing your views. I am glad to hear that you are deciding to explore the Bible. I feel humble by your comment. Thanks.
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