Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
- Sir Winston Churchill
Today has gone to extremes. Last night I had horrendous nightmares. Emailing NewCounselor I expressed a need to not forget those that suffered with me in my past. He asked me if I was angry. My reaction was "No, I am just a little concerned." That is so not true. The nightmares allowed my unconscious mind to release just how extremely angry I feel. That truth thing. I am learning that I am still very angry about what happened to me and others at the hand of one deranged pedophile.
Then this evening I attended the first of 3 classes teaching True Colors a way to use colors and personality types to adjust teaching strategies. The teacher's opinion is that personalities don't change much. I was able to secretly disagree because I have learned with a huge amount of work, self analysis, and greater awareness you can make choices that changes yourself. I will agree it is not easy. The 5 hour class was awesome and I am looking forward to two more nights of class. I hope I sleep better tonight now that I have accepted I am still really angry.
- Sir Winston Churchill
Today has gone to extremes. Last night I had horrendous nightmares. Emailing NewCounselor I expressed a need to not forget those that suffered with me in my past. He asked me if I was angry. My reaction was "No, I am just a little concerned." That is so not true. The nightmares allowed my unconscious mind to release just how extremely angry I feel. That truth thing. I am learning that I am still very angry about what happened to me and others at the hand of one deranged pedophile.
Then this evening I attended the first of 3 classes teaching True Colors a way to use colors and personality types to adjust teaching strategies. The teacher's opinion is that personalities don't change much. I was able to secretly disagree because I have learned with a huge amount of work, self analysis, and greater awareness you can make choices that changes yourself. I will agree it is not easy. The 5 hour class was awesome and I am looking forward to two more nights of class. I hope I sleep better tonight now that I have accepted I am still really angry.
6 comments:
...and it's OK to be angry!
I was always afraid to be angry because I didn't want to be like my NF but sometimes it's OK!
And you'll be angry for a while yet. There's a lot of angry to let go. That's okay. Go you!
I am afraid of anger too. I have seen terrible things happen when people allow themselves to react to their uncontrolled anger. I am learning that my emotions can still be buried so deep that only in sleep will I recognize their depth. Thanks for the encouragement mulderfan and Laurel.
Anger can be wisely used to protect ourselves and others. -- quartz
Yes I hear you! i still struggle with anger, I show it and then I feel guilty for it. I hope you're sleeping better now nightmares are awful xxxxx
Nightmares have lessened thanks to a lot of counseling. I am thankful for NewCounselor listening patiently while I expressed my dismay at how angry I still feel. Thanks for caring.
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