QTIP Quit Taking It Personal
This was the tip of the day from the counselor that taught the True Colors seminar. The concept runs along the idea that in many school situations what the student does or says, often has nothing to do with the teacher. On the freeway, I have noticed the same thing. The monster black SUV cut me off because they didn't see me. The driver did not wake up that morning and decide that they were going to cut off that driver in the little white car. I realized in many situations that what the other person does has little or nothing to do with me. However, there are times that it is personal. Band back together posted this today: http://www.bandbacktogether.com/dont-take-infidelity-and-heartbreak-personally
The QTIP concept is very similar to the other book I am still reading on The Law of the Garbage Truck.
http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2010/10/garbage-truck-experience.html
(Put it on hold for awhile and an now reading it again. On my list of summer projects to finish.)
Recently I had a narc moment with one of the narcissistics in my life. I realized that their criticism of me, that sounded very personal, really wasn't about me at all. I am studying in my books on boundaries about projection. I realized for the first time that the very personal criticism was the other person projecting their short comings on to me and then bitching me out for what they hadn't done. To say I was floored was the understatement of the century. I was really wondering how well The Law of the Garbage Truck would work in a close personal relationship. Now I am rethinking a lot with this new information from the boundaries book. I am thankful I have NewCounselor to bounce these new connections between criticism, projection, and 'it really isn't about me.' I am feeling a little like Alice falling through the rabbit hole and trying to make sense of Twiddle Dum and Twiddle Dee. Then I remind myself that I am more like the Mad Hatter coming out of the rabbit hole and deciding the 'real' world is crazier than where he came from.
4 comments:
I did a lot of teaching with "at risk" older boys. Their attitudes were huge. I understood that their rage was not directed at me personally but any perceived authority figure.
Years ago, one of the boys used the F-word on me so I wrote it on the blackboard and turned it into a sex ed lesson. "The" word lost its power and was never used again. The situation was totally defused because I didn't take it personally.
Wish I could respond to the narcs in my life with the same outlook but so far I've had no luck!
(The verification word below is "stomp"! Wonder if that's a sign!
Love the verification word.
I noticed that I am able to let things go with some people easier than others, too. Another work in progress. :)
Hi Ruth,
I watch my stress and anxiety levels. This is key to sorting through my 'reactions' to people driving like fools in a carnival.
Most days, other drivers can cut me off and it doesn't bother me. On a day when my stress is 'high', I'm more likely to take it personally. I may even think about doing a "Twanda!" if they steal my parking space.
What's helped me is to say, "I am stressed today because of _________ or _______________."
Acknowledging my situation and my 'feelings' (which I take very personally, ha!) counters automatic even unconscious reactions.
I also like Mulderfan's suggestion to 'desensitize' ourselves to the word.
Hugs,
CZ
Great suggestions CZ. It is helpful to have a cue when I am stressed. I agree my feelings are very personal to me. 'Desensitizing' is a powerful tool for many things. I have used it through out counseling. Part of my tool kit my counselor has taught me.
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