The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain
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| Imperfections don't make me useless or unworthy. |
Edit - reviewing - double checking- reading again and I still missed the typo. Thanks to a kind, sharp eyed reader that caught the error in my post. (My sister is an awesome editor.) Changing of one letter changed the meaning. So frustrating, so irritating because spell check didn't catch the error since it was a perfectly correct word just not the word I wanted. So dear readers, thank you for being patient with me when my fingers stumble over themselves and thank you to those that kindly point out when it makes a difference but let it slide when it doesn't change the meaning. This gift of helping with out hurting is a beautiful thing. I lived in a place where every error, every slip up, every tiny mistake was brought under a microscope and examined so that I never make that mistake again. A relentless drive for me to become perfect. The perfect child of course means you are the perfect mother. I now practice making mistakes. Sudokus are a good place to practice, if I mess up no harm done. The world doesn't end with a comma in the wrong place. Love is not withdrawn if I don't do everything perfectly. I don't need to freeze in my tracks because I made a mistake. It is a beautiful thing when someone kindly asks if that is what I meant and gives me an opportunity to correct it if I want to. Thanks.
4 comments:
I taught too many kids who thought they had to be perfect even though I pointed out that a mistake was just an opportunity to learn. When I said, "All I ask for is your best." they were puzzled.
Then I met their parents and the source of their confusion became clear.
Sadly for us, Ruth, even our best wasn't/isn't good enough for some.
Have a great day, P/M
Thanks P/M,
It is sad when you give your child the message that no matter what they do, they can not gain approval. The tragedy was my NM would complain about her mother saying, "If you can get 99, you can get 100." I learned from experience that getting 90% wasn't good enough. Now I listen to my adult children and feel sad when they say they don't feel like that they are good enough. I thought I broke the family curse of "Not good enough."
I think everyone feels they're not good enough if they have a conscience. The difference is that those growing up in a narc family feel they'll NEVER be enough, no matter how much they do, whereas someone who is healthy decides that they are worthwhile and lovable anyway and want to continue to try to be a better person even if they aren't always "good enough." The difference is: who is putting on the pressure, someone else by their standard or us by our own.
Love that quote! And I SOOOO GET IT!!
Great point Laurel. Thanks for pointing out the difference being the source of motivation.
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