Counseling or not....

I learned that counseling is an interesting relationship with another person.  It is never straight forward as people may think.  Shopping around for the right counselor for you can make all the difference.  It also means the counselor needs to be able to work with you.  Counseling with KavinCoach started out mild and fairly straight forward marriage counseling that became confused and troublesome when my responses kept coming back muddled.  KavinCoach would talk to me on my own then talk to just DH and when he compared the two conversations he felt like he was dealing with two different people when referring to me.  I didn't help having no memories of my own.  Marriage counseling switched to me counseling.  Then six months into it, KavinCoach totally reassessed my diagnosis.  He told me at the time that if he had known earlier the type of problems and experiences I had he would have recommended me to someone else.  He also recognized how fragile I was at the time and the stress of starting over with another counselor would have been extremely difficult for me.  He realized that he would need to commit to years of working with me.  This is when I realized that the counselor specializes in certain kinds of work.  If the client doesn't fit how they work, it is best for everyone involved to work with someone else.  That change came 7 years later.  I was stronger.  I had integrated.  I was talking about coming less often.  KavinCoached moved.  I transitioned to NewCounselor, who after a year and a half, isn't so new any more.  Again I recognize that both the client and the counselor need to develop a relationship where healthy boundaries exist, progress will be made, and understanding occurs.   My job once required me to talk to a counselor through work to "turn me into a supervisor".  (My personal opinion was that if I couldn't supervise myself I had no business supervising someone else.)  In two sessions she realized that my problems were way more than she knew how to work with.  Finally, decided to change my position to one that did not require supervising workers.  The counselor chose not to work with me.  I was Ok with that too.

I also learned that the dynamics of working with a counselor can change through the working relationship.  A few weeks ago I worked through some memories from my childhood.  Memories from that period of time are extremely difficult, fearful, and physically draining.  Ended up needing to contact NewCounselor on the weekend.  Several phone calls and text messages ensued to help me stabilize emotionally.  I became extremely angry with NewCounselor.  He apologized for upsetting me so badly.  I reassured him that me being angry with him meant that I could trust him with my emotions.  For me, I felt safe enough to vent my frustration in the form of anger because I knew NewCounselor would let me talk it out until I was done and not retaliate.  I trusted him.  I didn't always feel that way.  Trust takes time for me.  The dynamics of every counseling relationship depends on both the client and the counselor.  Now I am becoming more healthy and once again I am talking to NewCounselor about what I need to accomplish to be ready to 'graduate' and function on my own.  I am excited by my progress and look forward to going solo.  Just not quite yet.  There are a few more things I need to work out that are important to me and my choices for living.  Counseling can be terminated by either party.  Both parties have responsibilities in progressing in the work involved.  I know from reading other blogs that counselors are not all healthy or they don't always have their client's best interests at heart.  I feel blessed to worked with two excellent counselors.  I also know that a lot of the work is on my shoulders.  I study, research, practice, let down my guard, feel vulnerable and do what I need to do to change in a direction that is healthy.  Any one that takes on this process from either position take on a challenge of creating an environment of change.  I am looking forward to being done.