Maybe...

Talent develops in tranquility, character in the full current of human life. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Sometimes a quote is a maybe.  I developed my photographic talent in parallel with my counseling.  Sinking into the painting with light, the process, and discipline of photography helped me cope with the upheaval of counseling.  I decided counseling is much like a rock tumbler where everything is crashed together ripping off jagged and ill formed places break away to reveal the smooth clean rock below.  Whereas, photography can be like a still water.  Non silver photography is a slow methodical process requiring many hours to complete one picture.  Counseling on the other hand can rip my world apart in 45 minutes or less.  Some concepts are so difficult to process intellectually and emotionally that the rest of the body shuts down.  I learned that hearing goes first.  Really quite odd to be watching my counselor talk, I can see his mouth move but no sound reaches my mind.  The spirit seems to retreat inside the body until the body can no longer function on its own.  I noticed both of my counselors are way less than impressed when this happens.  Ultimate hiding is hiding within yourself until you don't even know where you are hidden.  Psychology describes this state as catatonia.  It is not a separate condition or state but a symptom that can be triggered by either mental or physical distress.  A level of stress so high that the body is incapable of continuing normal functions.  I reached this state on several occasions.  I learned to recognize the early symptoms and stop pushing myself for a time.  Other times it is similar to falling off a ledge and tumbling to a plane of chaotic stillness that allows time to suspend.  Telling some of my secrets triggered this response.  Memories that my mind reluctantly released with good reason.  Learning that I was an object to be maliciously used for someone else's perverse pleasure left me in such a terrible state.  At a later time, I could define no single emotion that was connected with this state.  More like a splashing of violent colors against a black screen.  Much like a finally of fireworks exploding inside my mind until all I see is the blackness and the flashes.  I work hard not to reach this state of confusion.  My thought is character develops with every decision that I make and talent develops as a counter balance to character.  One without the other leaves me off balanced.  Together, character and talent, help me to find a way to keep me from spinning out of control.