Quote of the day: "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."
Harvey Fierstein
Harvey Fierstein
*PS I met Jimmy Thomas one of the most sought after male models for covers of Romance novels. He was kind and a blast to take pictures of. Eyecandy in 3 D is always lovely.
I spent most my life hiding the truth from myself and in the process everyone else. Now, I am finally accepting my past and recognizing I don't get a different one. I told my parents and they asked why didn't anyone say anything. Fear is powerful. The person that told was murdered. This wasn't a one off in a back room but a premeditated attack on the children in the neighborhood. The strange thing for me were the people that denied what happened once the man was arrested, convicted, and sent to jail. The conspiracy of silence actually extended to people not directly involved. I can only guess that they refused to believe anything bad could happen in 'their' neighborhood. The illusion of safety in a 'nice' neighborhood was some how more important than the harm done to their children.
I encountered another bully in a boss at the university that I worked. I spoke up. HR actually told me that if I didn't like my boss get a different job. I went to Equal Opportunity and they recognized my boss's name. Their file on him was huge. The problem was he bullied everyone equally. They informed me that it is not illegal to be a jerk. Finally, his boss asked me to write an email describing what he had done wrong. I asked them if they wanted it with or without documentation. They were shocked when I sent them a 6 page email of his nasty behavior and a second 30 page email with documentation. They gave me another boss. Eventually, I was laid off when the opportunity came. One of the "in-the-know" types informed me that the higher ups considered me a trouble maker. The victim is blamed for the poor behavior of the bully. Then, people wonder why people stay quiet about bullies. The ones most likely punished are the victims and not the bullies.
In the zero tolerance schools, students are not allowed to fight back when they are picked on. The rule of expelling everyone involved in a fight, leaves kids vulnerable to bullies that are sneaky and cleaver about their tactics. Social media became a new avenue for attacking another person. Then when the rage finally boils over people are wailing how did this happen?
I am learning that speaking up about bullies and abuse has a risk of its own. Everything from denial to an increase of bullying, becomes possibilities. I do believe speaking up is important. I also recognize that sometimes someone else needs to speak up for you. Not backing down from the truth about bullies is difficult when you are repeatedly told, "You misunderstood." "They didn't realize that would bother you." "Why are you so sensitive? You need to have a thicker hide." I actually heard a parent justify bullying his own children to toughen them up for the 'real' world. I don't think bullies will ever go away. I did teach my children that sometimes you have to fight back to get your message across that their behavior is not acceptable. Bullies are often proud of the fear generated in others but almost all of them are cowards at heart and specifically pick on those that they consider weaker than themselves. I learned a lot from Gandhi on how to stand my ground peacefully. It is never easy but in my opinion totally worth it.
I spent most my life hiding the truth from myself and in the process everyone else. Now, I am finally accepting my past and recognizing I don't get a different one. I told my parents and they asked why didn't anyone say anything. Fear is powerful. The person that told was murdered. This wasn't a one off in a back room but a premeditated attack on the children in the neighborhood. The strange thing for me were the people that denied what happened once the man was arrested, convicted, and sent to jail. The conspiracy of silence actually extended to people not directly involved. I can only guess that they refused to believe anything bad could happen in 'their' neighborhood. The illusion of safety in a 'nice' neighborhood was some how more important than the harm done to their children.
I encountered another bully in a boss at the university that I worked. I spoke up. HR actually told me that if I didn't like my boss get a different job. I went to Equal Opportunity and they recognized my boss's name. Their file on him was huge. The problem was he bullied everyone equally. They informed me that it is not illegal to be a jerk. Finally, his boss asked me to write an email describing what he had done wrong. I asked them if they wanted it with or without documentation. They were shocked when I sent them a 6 page email of his nasty behavior and a second 30 page email with documentation. They gave me another boss. Eventually, I was laid off when the opportunity came. One of the "in-the-know" types informed me that the higher ups considered me a trouble maker. The victim is blamed for the poor behavior of the bully. Then, people wonder why people stay quiet about bullies. The ones most likely punished are the victims and not the bullies.
In the zero tolerance schools, students are not allowed to fight back when they are picked on. The rule of expelling everyone involved in a fight, leaves kids vulnerable to bullies that are sneaky and cleaver about their tactics. Social media became a new avenue for attacking another person. Then when the rage finally boils over people are wailing how did this happen?
I am learning that speaking up about bullies and abuse has a risk of its own. Everything from denial to an increase of bullying, becomes possibilities. I do believe speaking up is important. I also recognize that sometimes someone else needs to speak up for you. Not backing down from the truth about bullies is difficult when you are repeatedly told, "You misunderstood." "They didn't realize that would bother you." "Why are you so sensitive? You need to have a thicker hide." I actually heard a parent justify bullying his own children to toughen them up for the 'real' world. I don't think bullies will ever go away. I did teach my children that sometimes you have to fight back to get your message across that their behavior is not acceptable. Bullies are often proud of the fear generated in others but almost all of them are cowards at heart and specifically pick on those that they consider weaker than themselves. I learned a lot from Gandhi on how to stand my ground peacefully. It is never easy but in my opinion totally worth it.
4 comments:
Sometimes the bullies in school are the teachers. Just sayin.
That is so true. In one school students finally filmed the teacher with a phone to get through to the principal that they did NOT exaggerate when they said that the teacher screamed at them and called them derogatory names. Thanks for the reminder.
I was bullied into early retirement at age 52 because I refused to participate in an illegal strike. Who bullied me? The principal and teachers at the school where I had taught for 13 years. My principal "forgot" to inform the school board I had retired, so after 30+ years of teaching, I was not invited to the annual retirees dinner and, of course, my staff did nothing to recognize my retirement.
A few months later, the parents and students organized a private retirement dinner for me.
I was forced out mid-year and barred from seeing my class graduate, at the urging of my students, I crashed the party!
Shocking that a group of people we hold to a higher standard can sink so low!
So sad how mean some people will be. I am glad you crashed the party to see your students graduate.
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