|There are three ways to get something done; do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it. |
Having kids at home usually motivated me to do things that now they are all grown I just look at it and I don't care. I know that is all the wrong feeling but sometimes my get-up-and-go got-up-and-went. I feel like going to work is a major chore and I don't hardly have anything to do at work. I am doing research on the internet to keep me from falling asleep at my desk. Then I come home and there are a billion things to do and I just don't care. (Heavy sigh) I know these symptoms well...I'm depressed. But I learned enough to know to start hunting. Why? Physical problems...not sleeping, symptom not cause. Thyroid, new medication seemed to stabilized that situation. Eating properly...check. Exercise...oh yea 1-2-3-Zumba. I think that is one of the best parts of my week. Ok emotional well being. Ding..ding..ding...... Crap. I am suppressing anger... Anger is a secondary emotion what is hiding behind the anger....Wait for it... BAM...hurt and frustration and I allowed a boundary violation again. Growing up being disrespected makes it hard for me to recognize and process when I am being disrespected until it is too late. If it feels normal to me, I am probably not standing up for myself about something. My sister sent an article that I am thinking over and will probably run past NewCounselor. Rabbi Daniel Lapin writes a newsletter like an email blog. He asked his readers to consider if they are still in Egypt? For a bit of history, Jews celebrate passover each spring. Celebrating and remembering Moses leading them out of Egypt and slavery. Rabbi Lapin commented that after 200 years of slavery the Israelite people didn't know what it meant to be free. I wonder if that is the issue... I don't really know what it means to be free from being disrespected. I am going into uncharted territory of recognizing and acknowledging when I am treated how I want to be treated. I learned from long history that I can tolerate abuse. I just don't seem to know what to do to change how I am treated. If I am respected by someone, I really enjoy it. But I keep hitting this wall of how do I get respect from someone that doesn't show respect? How do I verbalize, I don't like how you treat me, if I don't realize for 3 days how I was disrespected? The long delay of figuring it out makes rebuttal seem odd when I bring something up a week later that bugged me. Research, learning, and I suspect the main step is to finally do something about it. Stepping out in faith is putting your foot out into the darkness without seeing the first step. Unfortunately, I seem to still be putting the shackles right back on myself to feel like things are 'back-to-normal.'
|Keep running into Dead-ends|