http://powerofmoms.com/2012/07/10-ways-to-achieve-mommy-burnout/
- Neglect your body.
- Starve your spirit.
- Forget fun.
- Keep to yourself.
- Practice negative self-talk.
- Expect perfection.
- Say yes to everything.
- Shun all outside help.
- Avoid being in the moment.
- Miss the big picture entirely.
I crashed and burned out completely after our youngest son was born. I was so far into burnout I could be up barely 20 minutes a day. Here is the kicker, in my opinion, these are all boundary violations to myself.
Neglect your body - boundary violation, skin - I am responsible to what happens to my body. It is my responsibility to eat, sleep and exercise properly. It is my responsibility to make doctors appointments and pay attention to what my body needs.
Starve your spirit - boundary violation, time - I am responsible for taking time to pray, scripture, study, meditate, or simply be in touch with my spiritual needs.
Forget fun - boundary violation, attitude - I am responsible for my attitude. I can have fun washing dishes by making a game of it. Weeding a garden can become a time of meditation and inspecting nature up close. I decide my attitude, so I decide if I am having fun.
Keep to yourself - boundary violation, too high, no gates - I am responsible for how high and formidable the boundaries I set around me. I need to be willing to let safe others in through gates. Don't use pride as an excuse to hide from risk.
Practice negative self-talk - boundary violation, words and truth - I am responsible for what I say to myself. I am an adult now; I can rewrite the tapes I tell to myself. I no longer need to repeat the lies I was told as a child.
Expect perfection - boundary violation, truth - I am responsible to decide how good is good enough. Unreasonably high expectations to put me down as a child are unfair to continue into adult years. I also accept that perfectionism is a destructive force that keeps me from finding balance and peace in my life. Lighten up on the work, ease up on the perfectionism. Flylady's words on perfectionism and crash and burn. http://www.flylady.net/d/br/2012/07/17/how-to-stop-the-crash-and-burn/
Say yes to everything - boundary violation, words, truth, emotional distance, time - I am responsible for saying yes to others; however, when I say yes to someone else I am saying no to myself. It is a lie that I can do everything. I need to have healthy boundaries that allow me to meet my needs. Being emotionally close someone can be detrimental if that person is unsafe and willing to take advantage of me. I am responsible for how much I can get done in a day. I have the same numbers of hours in the day as the person asking me to take on another task. Is it a task that is part of my responsibilities? Only I know the answer to that.
Shun all outside help - boundary violation, too high, no gates, and truth - I am responsible for seeking help when tasks are overwhelming. I am worthy to receive assistant from others. It is false pride that dictates that I must do things alone. It is an illusion that I can control everything. Allowing others into my life that can build and assist me is a healthy choice.
Avoid being in the moment - boundary violation, time and truth - I am responsible for the here and now. It is a lie that what I do now will change the past. Worrying about the future, that I can not control, robs the present of the energy I need to accomplish today's task of things I can control. Tomorrows success is built today in the building blocks of now.
Miss the big picture entirely - boundary violation, all of them - I am responsible for looking up from time to time to look around and see how I fit in the world. It is a lie that I am useless and of no value. My big picture is painted by me. If I hand the brush to someone else, it will be a someone else's big picture not mine.
I did all of the things needed to crash and burn. I destroyed my health and barely able to help my family. I was taught self neglect and poor choices. I need counseling intervention. I needed my entire childhood foundation torn apart and rebuilt with a healthy belief system. I am worth the change. I deserve to paint my own big picture.
 |
| My picture may appear messy to others but it is my picture and I can see the beauty in the lines. |
4 comments:
Thank you, I really, REALLY needed to read this today. My kids are all grown and gone, some of my grandchildren are grown too, and I found out a few days ago that my first great-grandchild is on the way - but I've been burning out lately, just from general life-hassles and the issues that go along with getting older. Great pointers, and they all ring true.
Blessings,
Charity
Congratulations on a great-grandchild. I am glad what I learned is helpful to you. :)
Ruth, I just clicked on the link to FlyLady that you posted in your Expecting Perfection segment, and wow thank you so much! It's like she's talking about ME... not wanting to start something unless I can do it ALL, and do it Perfectly. When I was much younger, I was known as a Neat Freak. My kids called me that. I was Mrs. Homemaker Perfection. But now that I am 59, I get TIRED. I can't work myself half to death like I used to. Not being physically able to live up to my old perfectionist standards, I have let my house go until it looks like hoarders live here. Really messy, dirty, gross hoarders. It's depressing and embarrassing. Every day I wake up and wonder where to start. Then I look at the mountain of chores and get tired just thinking about it, and give up. I know part of this is from my PTSD depression, it's not all physical/age-stuff. But now I have hope! I'm going to read up on the flylady's website and learn a new IMperfect way of being. And I will try not to do it Perfectly! ;)
Charity, I am so happy that Flylady is helpful. Enjoy, Ruth
Post a Comment