Drawback to No Complaining

When I first read the No complaining Challenge, I thought what a cool idea but my inner red flags shot sky high.  Red flags saying, "Not always a good idea."  Integration did not mend the lag between something seems ok and my mind processing why it isn't.   On the surface, no complaining or whining makes sense.   However, the red flag came from the story I wrote a couple of days ago.  http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2012/07/consequences.html The professor that insisted I read a short story about lap dancing and tried bullying me into reading by saying I was the only one complaining.  She made my objection to the content trivial and my 'complaint' unreasonable since no one else complained. 

From the Free dictionary there is this definition.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/complain
com·plain 

intr.v. com·plained, com·plain·ing, com·plains

1. To express feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.

2. To make a formal accusation or bring a formal charge.

This is the second entry

complain [kəmˈpleɪn]vb (intr)

1. to express resentment, displeasure, etc., esp habitually; grumble

2. (foll by of) to state the presence of pain, illness, etc., esp in the hope of sympathy she complained of a headache

I believe that the second entry that is intended for the ban - habitual grumbling.  Expressing feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment is essential in stopping being hurt by others.  As a child, I would complain about any food cooked with bell peppers.  If I complained, I was told, "He who complains has too much."  For a week or two I would be placed on pioneer food, bread and water.  I learned not to complain about the food or my stomach hurting.  I know that my parents were aware of how much my stomach was hurting because they would give me my grandmothers prescription stomach medicine.  I learned to suffer in silence.  I continued to suffer in silence.  When I married I did not cook with any bell pepper in my food.  About 10 years ago my stomach problems landed me in the hospital more than once.  I finally had a procedure done to alleviate some of the problems swallowing.  I learned that when the doctor rushes you straight to the hospital and you fly through the ER without slowing down.  This is not a good thing.  Tests showed that the inner lining of my stomach was completely gone and only the outer stomach wall held me together.  This is extremely serious.  Due to some confusion it took several days to realize that the pain I experienced since I was a child coincided with where the damage was done.  The doctor was totally baffled that I hadn't been complaining for years about the pain.  I agreed that it did hurt but I was taught not to complain.  I took medication for quite a while to heal the damage.  After a year,  I told the doctor that I had no idea how good I could feel.  Once my stomach was healed, it felt wonderful.  Other situations in my life occurred that also taught me that sometimes I do need to state when I feel pain, dissatisfaction, or resentment.   

Another occasion happened when I worked at an university art department.  A male student came to my office dressed in a robe and asked me to take nude pictures of him.  One, I was an employee.  Two, no way did I want to shoot pictures of him dressed or nude.  I made it very clear to him that not only was I not interested but that he had offended me.  He then accused me of not being a "real" photographer.  I let him know that had nothing to do with my refusal.  I wasn't going to do it.  I then took it to the next step and made a formal complaint to student services.  Someone asked me if I was making too big a deal of the situation.  I wasn't really all that angry and why was I pushing this?  My answer was simple.  He is going to do this again.  When he does, I want it on record that he has done it already which sets up a pattern of behavior.  Sure enough with in 6 months he had done this with two other female students and the male student was banned from taking any more classes at the school.  My formal complaint of my experience set in motion the documentation that stopped a sexual predator.  Once he was blocked from attending, more stories came out that were unreported.  A blanket "NO Complaining" is a bullies dream environment.  Any objection of inappropriate or cruel behavior is countered with "NO Complaining."  I decided that KavinCoach took a lot of effort to teach me how to complain about how I was treated.   

Now I do believe that it is fairly useless to complain about something and then choose to do nothing about it.  Have you ever heard someone complain about a particular store and then continue to shop there.  Or maybe complain about an unreliable friend and still try to continue to rely on them.  Whining about not liking something but continuing to live the same way, doing the same things, that get them what they don't want.  Yup, that is something to consider.  If I have a complaint, am I willing to do something about it?

A complaint can act like a shield.