A strong woman believes that she's strong enough to face her journey but a woman of strength has faith that it is in this journey that she will become strong! :)
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I grew up with a lot of 'have to's. I have to be up at a certain time...I have to have my chores done before leaving for school....I have clean the bathrooms just so....I have to........
You get the picture. Obedience was drilled into me like the only commandment. Stories of a little boy loosing his head because he backed away from his father's command to come away from the lions cage. Yes, death threats for obedience. I had to do a lot of things in my childhood or someone was going to die, most probably me. After awhile, the snap to obedience reaction just keeps on happening. I took the mind set into my marriage. Made the mistake of telling KavinCoach "I have to..." His quick response, "Was somebody holding a gun to your head?" I looked at him confused. I had done the "I have to..." for so long that in my own mind somebody held a gun to my head once upon a time but I hadn't figured out they had walked away. KavinCoach worked at trying to get me to see that I choose to obey. I choose to follow someone's request. I choose every action that I make. Layers upon layers upon layers of conditioning do not go away with one discussion. NewCounselor caught me saying the same thing..."I have to..." He pulled me up short and reminded me yet again of the change of wording. I was healthy enough by this time that when he explained why it was important to know that I was choosing a course of action was it put my personal power in my hands. When I said that "I have to _______" fill in the blank, I am turning my personal power over to someone else. In my job, I choose to show up everyday by 7:30 AM to keep my job. I changed my wording from "I have to get up" became "I choose to get up and be on time to work." Took practice. Lots of practice. Now if I catch myself saying "I have to...." I look around and check and sure enough there is no lion cage nor anyone holding a gun to my head. I then take the time to figure out why I am choosing to do whatever I am doing. KavinCoach and NewCounselor were right. I give my personal power away every time I say, "I have to...." To reclaim my power, I rephrase and commit to what I am doing. I own my actions. I am the one with the power.
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| Tenaciously living on a rock. |
3 comments:
Seems like a good change in attitude. Nice and concrete too, so you can catch yourself if you slip into old thinking.
Love the pics!
This is timely!
I was hanging out in my yard yesterday with a young woman and we were having great fun just watching her rescue dog play with my pups. She kept checking the time because she "had to" meet an acquaintance for dinner.
She told me she didn't want to go and didn't especially like the person but in spite of describing her already busy day and her plans to visit me, the other woman insisted.
I explained there are certain things/people we can't avoid and that's usually work related. Then I told her I had recently learned the art of saying "NO".
She asked what excuses I give and I told her none. All I say is, "Friday's not good for me." with no explanation. Since I've started doing this no one has ever asked why.
My young friend is only 32, so I suggested she start valuing her time now, instead of like me, wasting most of her life on discretionary "have to" activities.
Thanks Ellen. I like concrete too.
Sounds like you were having a great day, mulderfan. I agree. No excuse is needed for saying "No." I hope you young friend can reclaim her life early.
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