Where were my boundaries?

Growing up, I had no boundaries taught to me.  I remember the first time I walked into a friends house without knocking.  Her mother was angry with me.  I just felt confused.  They knew I was coming why shouldn't I walk into the house when I got there.  I had no rights.  Of course I should share my room with my younger brother and sister when I was 13 so all my older brothers could have there own rooms.  My body was not my own.  I was sexually molested repeatedly over many years.   I could not protect my belongings.  I was not allowed to put my paper dolls out of reach of my little sister.  When she tore them up, I was punished for being angry.  I was not allowed to own anything.  Anything that I thought was mine could be given to someone else at any moment.  Every year, I had to throw away half my belongings to make room for new toys.  I wasn't given a choice between the old things I loved and if I would even like the new thing I was given.   I had to share a bed with my sister.  My brothers could each have a separate bed.  I could not lock the bathroom when I bathed.  My mother would walk in on me at any time she wished.  If I tried to say no, I was run over.  If I complained, I was punished.  I was an extension of my mother.  If she was sick, it was my fault.  If she was unhappy, it was my fault.  I caused her to be angry.  I was the problem.  My counselor was floored that I taught boundaries to my children when I didn't have a clue about them myself.  I treated my children the opposite of what my mother did, in the process, with the help of my husband, we taught our children boundaries.

In the book Boundaries http://store.cloudtownsend.com/boundaries-softcover-book.html there is a section that describes each type of boundary that people have and need.  (The book gives examples of boundaries: skin, words, truth, geographical distance, time and emotional distance.) I wrote papers on how each of those boundaries were totally disregarded in my childhood.  It is no small wonder that I struggled in my job, in my marriage, in any group, in my life.  I discovered through counseling that I actually did have boundaries.  I didn't recognize them.  I didn't know how to defend them.  I was afraid of the consequences of strengthening my boundaries.  Now, I am building the infrastructure that I should have built as a teenager.  That is what the teenage years is all about, testing and forging boundaries.  I am finally growing up.