Consequences

Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment.
- Rita Mae Brown

Anciently there was a custom in some cultures that royalty could not be punished for wrong doing.  A prince or princess would have a whipping dog or slave that would be whipped for them.  There would be no personal consequence for their action.  Today, there seems to be an out cry by people wanting to have what they want without paying any personal consequence.  They want to age without looking aged.  They want to eat whatever they want without gaining weight or getting sick.  They want to be strong without exercising.  They want to drive recklessly without having an accident.  They want to speak rudely and still have friends.  They want to behave however they want and everyone else needs to just accept them the way they are.  They want to take without paying the cost.  They scream that they are free to choose what they want then scream just as loud when they don't like the consequences.  I am very big on choice.  I am equally big on taking responsibility for those choices.  How did I get to this feeling?

Growing up as a kid I remember getting many a spanking because my mom was pissed off at my dad.  At Thanksgiving, I remember enduring rages from my mother because she wanted everything to be perfect for this yearly gorging on food of every kind and description.  Numerous occasions when I was screamed at for something my brothers did because they took off and I was left with being the instrument of releasing her frustration.  It was expected of me.  I was a bad daughter if I objected.  I was told that was just the way she was, I needed to adjust.  The expectation was it was my job to take my mother's abuse.  After I was in counseling, I finally rebelled.  I started with not attending Thanksgiving dinner.  I live less than a mile from my parent's house so I didn't have the excuse of not being in the area.  I just refused to go.  I called my sister, picked her up without going in the house, and then we went to my daughter's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was a wonderful day.  Such a relief not to be screamed at for some small infraction because my mother was so uptight about a perfect dinner.  Wow, did I hear about this from other family members.  (Except, my sister who thought this was a brilliant plan.)  I was told how mean I was for not even coming in to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  I was in the dog house.  Well, it was a happy Thanksgiving for me and I took responsibility for my actions and I didn't complain when I received criticism for my decision.  There I had it, the first step of choosing how I wanted to live my life.  I discovered that 'have to' really isn't the command I thought it was.  I really can choose.  I will also take the consequence of that choice.

Another example was in my last semester of college I took an online class on personal writing.  The teacher would assign us reading assignments then we would comment on a message board followed by a writing assignment on the same theme, humor, drama, etc.  One of the stories required was about a woman's experience getting a lap dance in a strip bar.  I figured that if a man had given this assignment the entire class would be screaming sexual harassment.  Since it was a woman teacher everyone was expected to comply.  I emailed her and asked for a different reading.  She tried bullying me into reading by saying I was the only one objecting.  I stood my ground.  The emails became more and more intense until I told her that it was sexual abuse to force me to read this.  She nearly came unhinged.  I then sent her the dictionary definition of what sexual abuse was.  She then threatened to throw me out of class.  I would need this last credit to graduate, without it I would need to spend another semester going to school.   I CC'd KavinCoach on the emails.  He talked to me at my next session and persuaded me to step back and do what I needed to do to graduate.  I still refused to read the short story.  Finally, the teacher agreed to a different reading and I could no longer comment on the board with everyone else.  She isolated me to an independent study.  I thought fine.  She wants to play rough I am OK with this consequence.  I later read the board comments about the story I refused to read.  Several students complained that it was not worth reading or just too crude.  I suspect the teacher was trying to prove how broad her horizons were by expecting students to read stories that were as objectionable as possible.  She discovered one student that would not comply.  I was floored when I got an A in the class.  I was thrilled to graduate.  I have no respect for this woman teacher all though she wrote and told me how she had been sexually abused.  I respected her even less because she did not learn compassion for others from her experience.  I didn't take the incident to school authorities because the school had a reputation for supporting liberal ideas and wanting to have their professors set the standard for the world.  I knew any complaint by me would result in more negative abuse heaped on me with no consequence for the teacher.  I did fill out the survey with a brief description of being treated disrespectfully.  As far as I know the teacher is still teaching.  She may or may not be using the same story.  Doesn't matter.  I learned that I could stand up for what I felt was best for myself and the world would not end.   I learning to embrace the power of choice.  I am learning that there are consequences for every choice I make.  Some of my consequences I may not like but they are my consequences because I made the choice.

Some choices look like this.  Which would you want to grab?