Dissecting comments

4. Dissecting Agreements

This section could not have come at a more timely moment.  http://www.purposefairy.com/7805/9-truths-about-letting-go-of-opinions-that-taint-us/ Criticism will come as surely as Death and Taxes.  Some people believe it is their responsibility to point out the errors of our ways.  In my childhood, I was expected to not only take the criticism quietly but to love the person unconditionally that heaped the criticism upon me.  I did complain about how I was treated..."That is just the way she is, you got to love her."  Many hours of my counseling were spent dissecting conversations and how I was treated with information on other ways to respond.  I had a particularly nasty boss.  I went to HR (Human Resources), they told me if I didn't like the way I was treated to get a job some place else.  I went to Equal Opportunity, in the United States you can file a grievance for being treated unfairly due to race, gender, or religion.  The woman I talked to had a huge file on my boss.  She told me if he just treated minorities and women this way, they could prosecute, but he treated everyone with disrespect and sometimes outright cruelty.  She shrugged and said, "It is not illegal to be a jerk."  So why dissect disagreements?  I have seen comment dissecting become such a huge issue as to have people go private with their blogs...people stop following blogs....numerous posts devoted to what did the person mean when making comments that were in disagreement of the author.  Well that is no different than real life.  When I said something to someone that seemed disagreeable to them, they stopped talking to me for months.  I was ok with this because I made the decision to no longer be a doormat that anyone can wipe their nasty attitude on.  I declared my website a no dumping zone for people telling me how I made this minor mistake or my beliefs were faulty or what ever it is someone else thinks I need pointed out to me.  On a few occasions, I refuse to post a comment because the tone of the comment is critical or condescending, by my opinion.  I don't know every person that comments on my blog.  I don't know why they feel a need to criticize me or other people making comments.  I try to share a variety of perspectives that are filled with "I" statements and sharing their experience.  I look out for those "You" statements that are telling me some error I made, judging me, or belittling to me.  My counselor made me very aware how hyper-sensitive I am to criticism.  I worked at being more tolerant, however, I am never going back to the doormat that took every criticism since many times their words are not about me.  How freeing it was for me to understand that much of what was spewed out on me as a child and as an adult was not about me but about the other person's dissatisfaction with themselves and directing that to me to relieve their unhappiness.  I accept other opinions.  I am fully aware I am not always the easiest person to get along with.  My ideas sometimes need to be challenged...oh hell...the reality I spent a lot of money on counseling specifically to challenge how I think and totally change how I function at the most basic level.  Nothing more humbling to go to marriage counseling and finding out my behavior was the biggest problem...not the only problem but in marriage counseling they need to work with 2 people not 5 people in one person and only one on the other.  I chose to integrate because I was born with only one mind and I was tortured into two, then three then more to survive.  I wanted to be one again.  Not every multiple makes this same choice.  I can understand why they wouldn't.  I am not writing that I integrated to say they are wrong but to show it is a choice, another option, it is not impossible just really, really, really hard.  So Reader, if you want to share your perspective, share it.  If you want to tell me how wrong, stupid, ugly, twisted, selfish, or ungrammatical I am because you are pissed off at the world, don't expect to see your comment here.  I am not required to come to every argument I am invited to...oh wait...maybe if I make a grammar mistake that changes the meaning, please tell me.  Many times I write late at night and I miss something.  Also in school I totally missed out learning grammar.  It was so bad that when I was taking Spanish I had to quit when they were teaching grammar.  I explained to the teacher, "If I don't know it in English, how can I do it in Spanish?"  If a grammar error is pointed out, I actually will Google it and find out if it is a hard and fast rule I am breaking or one of those fuzzy rules that can be done more than one way.  I have readers from all over the world with different religions, genders, multiple personalities, and singletons.  I try to be respectful to all while sharing my story.  I appreciate others sharing their different perspectives, values and experiences.  My counselors made a world of difference to me by sharing their healthier perspectives.  I didn't embrace all their ideas but more than once I heard what they taught me coming out in what I write or say.  Disagreement can lead to changing perspective or ending relationships depending on how I handle it and the response of the other person.  I hope that we can all treat each other with respect and kindness.

Another blog to read on dissecting agreement or disagreement:
http://roots2blossom.wordpress.com/2013/04/19/looking-inwards-and-reaching-outwards/

To me, this is an amazing feat of engineering and ingenuity turning water into electricity. To others, it is a terrible thing to do to the Earth and destruction of nature.  Both right from our own perspectives.  However, viewed it is there.