Who's the Judge?

This is the last in the series of my reaction to PurposeFairy's article:
http://www.purposefairy.com/7805/9-truths-about-letting-go-of-opinions-that-taint-us/

She is a blog I visit often.  I appreciate her writing and sharing ideas with others.  I believe that there is power in sharing ideas.  I may not agree with everything but I think about what is said.  This helps me to ferret out what I do believe and what is truth to me.

8. Identify the Judge

Like many abuse survivors I have this hideous horrible tape that plays in my head.  Part of counseling is confronting where this negativity comes from.  How did I came to have such a poor self image?  When my DH suggested it was my mother, I denied it angrily.  No way...not my mother.  Then KavinCoach said the same thing, I started to doubt what I thought I knew.  Then I watched my mother in action with someone else....kind of a fly on the wall distorted reality when all the pieces come together.  I understood.  Every compliment contained an insult.  Ever insult carried a barb.  The comprehension that my mother would say the words but her actions demonstrated the opposite.  I had to be crazy to believe her.  Becoming healthy, I identified my judge.  I recognized how I internalized her never ending lists of how to correct me into the person she wanted.  Nobody warned me that the most devastating part of counseling was the total collaspe of the house of lies and distortions that was my childhood.   My happy childhood vanished under the onslaught of truth.  The truth denied me when I was a child.  I remember telling.  I remember questioning.  I remember not understanding then why my brothers would be fed and I was given only a small portion so they could have seconds.  I remembered going to bed hungry.  I needed to identify my judge and stop believing my abuser.  After being taught that black is white and white is black.   I still stumble.  I can change how I perceive myself.

9. Know Thyself!

Know myself started with believing myself.  Getting to know all myself.  Accepting that I made mistakes, but I also do things that are good and caring and loveable.  When I learned that I functioned as a multiple personality, I was shocked.  However, it was the only thing that made sense of some of the events I did remember.  Nearly slugging a poor shocked doctor that was ill advised in attempting to tease me after my daughter's surgery.  The young man that dated me in college and commented how different I was out of class from being in class.  The people that told me how intimidating I was...how could I be? I was a mouse terrified of my own shadow.  I  learned about the my three main personalities and I joked that "I was run by a committee that hated each other."  I finally got to know and love all 5 personalities.  When we became best friends, we started helping each other then one day I realized I knew myself and I was just one self.  Becoming my own best friend opened up opportunities that I never thought possible.

"Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart. Strive to be and do the best you can in every situation, then you will be living in your integrity.  Words or energy that does not fit with your frequency or vibration will not be allowed to penetrate your field of self.  You will have become the master of your life and your reality.
Something worth looking into, wouldn’t you say?

This article was written by Cherie Roe Dirksen. Cherie is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and meditation music composer from Cape Town, South Africa.  She has weekly blogs on her site www.cherieroedirksen.com where she discusses practical and insightful perspectives on taking responsibility for your actions and ultimately living the life you came here to experience."

When the tree was young, the trunk split.