Embrace the Suck

"If one advances confidently in the
direction of his dreams, and endeavors
to live the life he has imagined,
he will meet with a success
unexpected in common hours."

Click Here For Success Tip # 020

I joined Jole Runyon's blog (Blog of Impossible things) and down loaded and did his training work out. When you join his blog via email he sends a weeks worth of letters to bring you up to speed as to how he thinks. He encourages people to impossible things and does them himself.  On day 4, I get this message that says Embrace the Suck....Ooooookkkk

Sometimes it’s fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney

Walt was right, sometimes it is fun to do the impossible. Actually when you’re finished and looking back on it, the impossible is pretty freaking fun. But sometimes a lot of the time, it sucks because you have to live life looking forward.

You’re staring at this wall of impossibility and it’s HARD. It sucks.
So how do you get through it?

Embrace the suck.

I read his letter and thought wow that totally makes sense.  There is something sucky about every job that is not fun, not uplifting, and sometimes just plain hard.  Well, this particular email was back in August.  I put a little star by it because I wanted to share the idea here.  I kept waiting; the time never seemed to be quite right, until now.  This week I realized by Thursday I was spiraling into a full PTSD melt down.  At work, I was almost crying over some minor error at work.  My whole body was starting to shake.  I knew I needed to get home fast because I have fought these melt downs before.  I promised the teacher that I would contact my counselor after I got home.  I drove home very carefully knowing how freaking fragile I was feeling.  After I got home I sent a text to MyCounselor to see if he had an available time to talk to him.  The text back threw a new light on 'Embrace the suck.'

Take a refueling day, nothing needs to be fixed right away.  Just quit controlling what's going on and take a Fun day, or a nap.  Whatever feels right except focusing on spiraling and stopping the spiraling if that is what is going on.  Check in and let me know how you are doing....   *

Embrace the Melt Down?  Don't fight it?  Didn't he realize how bad 'bad' can get? Yea, even my thinking about his text had me spiraling into a pit of fear.  Then I thought wait, stop, isn't this what Joel was talking about to embrace the really tough stuff.  Don't try to avoid it.  Embrace what needs to happen and go with it.  In a weird way, ride the tidal wave to a safe place.  So, I stayed home from work for two days.  Let PTSD stomp all over me...the physical component of PTSD can leave me exhausted, craving 'comfort foods', wanting to sleep but unable to sleep more than short naps.  Instead of trying 'jump' as the elevator races down, lay down on the floor and go with it.  Day two I was curled on the couch remembering that this was how I used to feel all the time, exhausted, depressed, barely able to think, afraid, tinging on hopeless....but I knew that this was false.  I am not hopeless.  Things will get better again.  I am a little cork going over Niagra Falls, I may be buried for a time, but eventually I will pop back to the surface.  Wait a minute....this embracing the suck is way different than I expected.  When I stopped fighting what was happening, allowed my body to take the crash, I realized it was not as bad as I thought it would be.  Joel's letter suddenly made sense, a lot of sense.  I didn't enjoy the two days off but I did finish cutting material for a service project.  I got my feet back under me.  I found my backbone.  Whoa...hold your horses.  Fighting the PTSD reaction seemed to intensify its impact.  Embracing it, my old nemesis,  lessened the crash.  I did not expect that.  I am thankful I listened to the advice from MyCounselor even when I couldn't see how it would work.  It did work.  Four days later, I am looking at the world fresh.  Spent a great day yesterday with family and friends.  I am ready to head back to work.  I am still hoping for a counseling session this week so I can work though which healthy choices I have for the trigger that set this mess off in the first place.  Instead of a knee jerk reaction, I am looking for healthy even though I am not quite sure what healthy looks like.  I am starting to see the real value of what Joel wrote about....Embrace the suck.  

*Reminder this is advice to me from MyCounselor for a particular situation.  This is not to be read as an answer for all people in every situation for PTSD.