Thursday, June 30, 2016


Working at the high school I took classes on understanding teenagers.  (Good luck with that.)  What I encountered was information on what an introvert is.  I believed the same myths listed in the article.  As I become healthier, I realize that some of my choices and behaviors have less to do with PTSD and more with being an introvert.  I can be outgoing and talkative so I didn't realize that I might me until I answered all the questions for introvert preferences.  Since them I learned more and more about introvert personalities.  Now that I am one personality I am working at discovering just who I am.

The article explains why each of these is false.  Enjoy.

1. All introverts are shy — and all shy people are introverts.
2. Introverts don’t like to be around people.
3. Introverts don’t make good leaders or public speakers.
4. Introverts have more negative personalities.
5. Introverts are more intellectual or creative than extroverts.
6. It’s easy to tell whether someone is introverted or extroverted.

One of the things I learned is that introvert is kind of like a basic operating system.  Hard to change but can be modified as needed. 

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Depression comics

I was curious and follow link after link until I found this page with a group of comics about depression.  Some are graphic....all of them accurately describe some of the experiences I had with depression.

Check it out if you want validation that someone else understands depression. 

Melt Down

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Thought I would catch up

I was on the road for 3 weeks.  I thought I would catch up this week...NOPE....I'm further behind.  I am isolating myself to get some major projects done because summer is flying fast in 5 more weeks I head back to school.  Every summer plan to get organized and caught up.  Every summer the time races by and I'm not caught up. 
Time management yes. 
Energy management yes
Anxiety management yes

The stuff I put off to summer are all the big stuff I can't handle while I am at school.  Apparently I don't handle them any better in the summer time.  Oh boy.....what to do.....what to do?  I don't want to throw in the towel.  I don't want to hide in a corner....running away seems kind of reasonable but I already did that for three weeks.  I had an awesome trip with my daughter and two grandchildren visiting other children and grandchildren.  What a wonderful trip.  I love it.  But now I have lists of things to do, none of which I have done.  Bummer. 

Monday, June 13, 2016

Who Knew?

This is a quote I saw on Facebook.  Shared so I don't know the original: (doesn't apply to me right now but I have been in that basement.)

Considering how my life has been going lately, it turns out that Rock Bottom has a Basement.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Depth of the Sea

This post is in response to those on Facebook criticizing the Bible as not good and supporting abusive parents.  They refer to the scripture of honoring your mother and father but of course the last part is left off, that your days may be long.  In that time in the Bible, parents could legally stone their own children.  Brutal but that was the times.  Still true in some parts of the middle East.  Honoring parents was indeed a matter of life and death.  I prefer these verses:

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Proverbs 12:18  There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.
Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.
Luke 6:31 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. 
John 13:34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

Then my favorites:

Mark 9:42 And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

Matthew 18:1-6 1. At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.
But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Luke 17:2 It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

I think Jesus is clear on His opinion on harming children and a child's role in His Kingdom.  The Bible can and is twisted by abusers.  However, when I read it myself, I felt reassured that Jesus did not appreciate the way I was treated.  Also challenged me to consider how I treat my children. 
Huge challenge to follow Jesus Christ.  


Saturday, June 11, 2016

Carousel Picture

I am traveling with my daughter and having a wonderful time.  This is the picture of the 100 year old carousel that we rode in Kansas.

I am learning that having fun can be stressful and tiring, but so worth it.  I hope you spend sometime having fun.

Monday, June 6, 2016


Adventure can be so exciting and fun.  But no one talks about the down side of exits that don't exist, areas of a strange city that are down right scary, and other misadventures.  Tiredness and building anxiety can really take the edge off.  However, in the end, I believe it is worth it.  My traveling companions are awesome and I am learning the joy of not being the boss on the trip.  I am thankful to be able to visit our daughter that lives far away.  I am thankful that so far we arrived safely at each destination.  I also learn new definitions like "hold still" to a toddler is to jump up and down in one place.  Shades of Star Trek trying to confuse 1. 

Sunday, June 5, 2016

TW on Forgiveness

TW shared an awesome comment that I don't want people to miss.  Thanks TW

It's not about "holding grudges," "failing to forgive," "seeking vengeance" or any other "failure" or negative connotation other's believe motivate our need to curtail significantly or completely terminate the relationship with our abuser(s.) It's not at all about "the past:" It's about the Here and Now as their continuing pattern of behavior makes the Past manifest in the Present. It is this on-going behavior that lays bare their culpability as perpetual Serial Offenders. Does it matter if the "motivation" is a difficult past, personal edification or pure pathology?

There is in my conception a Moral and Ethical framework for initiating and maintaining NC. When another person-particularly one in a position of authority-demands we violate our most deeply held morals, values, ethics, our very conscience, the bedrock of who we are to use us as a Tool, they are seeking to break our "moral back" so to speak. If you're successful in this endeavor (as demonstrated on a societal basis by for example some petty tyrant or dictator) you obtain "obedience" by engaging in a form of annihilation of the other. You have destroyed them. You "own" the empty shell of what remains of that individual that was "paid for" at the cost of their Personhood. At best, they exist in a state of anomie. *Trigger Warning* Not uncommonly, others commit suicide as a result.

Most of adult life is lived in the grey areas between polarities. Unlike the Authoritarian individual who resides almost exclusively in those polarities, that does not mean non-Authoritarian individuals lack a deep personal morality regarding Right and Wrong: It is because they DO, the "cost" of their personhood (soul) is not negotiable.<This is exactly what the abusers demand their victims relinquish.

It is that relentless demand perpetrated on their targets all abusers continually carry forward throughout their lives: The Past remains manifest in the Present.

I hope this makes sense. I'm certain you can explain this in terms of spirituality, Ruth. It's your goodness and decency that "clears the room." Your moral "backbone" remains unbroken: It stands as a rebuke in the screaming silence of NC. Unfortunately, even severely curtailing contact does not protect from the effects of shrapnel to your being.
Another significant reason for feeling exhausted in every way.