Monday, October 7, 2019

Long break

I believe this is one of the longest breaks I have taken from writing this blog.  I am not totally sure why I have other than I am feeling like I slid down a rabbit hole and the only symptoms are my lack of interest in writing, photography, reading and generally anything that I felt connected to from my healing process.  I'm intrigued but not totally dismayed.  My first counselor predicted that someday I would want to walk away from my past and everything to do with my healing process.  Then something happens and I am reminded no matter how far I walk my past comes with me.  I did achieve one of my goals.  August 2014 I wrote a post about Dave Pelzer and his books.

His answer was etched on my heart as a goal to achieve, he said, "I like the man I am today and I would not be that man without those experiences." 

I believe I achieved that goal.  I am now working on giving to Christ the lingering bitterness and hurt that seeps out from time to time.  I notice when event anniversaries pass and I still feel an impact like a mild jolt.  I am working towards those anniversaries just being another day. 

So now what?  The interesting thing about achieving long sought after goals, when they are achieved there is a spell of thinking, now what?  I noticed this same feeling after graduating from university after many grueling years of juggling family, work and school.  Ending counseling was another such feeling of now what?  No one seems to explain what do you do when you finally achieve those allusive, long worked for goals.  I made it this far, now what?