Thursday, September 28, 2017

Jerking awake

I found an interesting article shared on Facebook about that feeling of falling and jerking awake.

Note: The gifs are annoying so I would scroll so they were hidden to read the article. 

Most of the time I stay awake until I am so exhausted that I more pass out than fall asleep.  I am working on going to sleep earlier but that is cutting into my blog writing time.  I need to shuffle things around a bit. 

School is picking up the pace.  Field trips, major projects and inventories keep me hopping and on the go all the time.  I am working at self care of making sure I get my breaks.  However, on field trip days hyper-vigilance kicks into over drive and leaves me exhausted when things go well and totally undone if things don't go well. 

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Soy is in what?

I am working on discovering what I am allergic to that causes my throat to swell shut.  I've been to the hospital multiple times for this over the past 20 years.  None of the other doctors told me it was an allergic reaction.  An allergy test showed nothing so dramatic that it could put me in the hospital.  I picked soy as my first thing to try eliminating and discovered the strictest diet I have ever been on.  They put soy or soy oil or soy lecithin in EVERYTHING.  Well not everything, my son asked me if I found a soy free lettuce.  He is right; I did.

I am three weeks into greatly reducing my soy intake.  Not eliminated yet because they put it in so many things.  It gets really confusing that the same brand will put it in some of their products but not all of them.  Or how about peanut butter that has soy oil added.  REALLY!?!

The diet is paying off.  The swelling in my legs has reduced so much that I can now squat down, which I haven't been able to do for over 5 years.  I am noticing that I can swallow supplements in capsule form.  I was using only chew-able vitamins.  I am not in blossoming health but I am seeing improvements.  I would have never guessed on my own that one food item could cause so many problems. 

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Taming Triggers

My counselor complained that I was so full of triggers it was like walking through minefield talking to me.  Today I counted 4 separate triggers plus a couple that didn't quite hit high enough to be considered a complete trigger, more of a nudge.  I handled them.  I acknowledged they happened.  I am feeling like life challenging me to keep on coping.  This morning my sister introduced an article she read about self care.  I am trying to decide if I hit this many triggers in one day because I am not being as cautious or I am neglecting caring for myself or the oddest of all since the first one or two didn't wipe me out I was still standing to take on more.  Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one.

Over, under, around or through it.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

It's working

I spent most of this year bouncing around to different doctors to learn I really do have a thyroid problem.  I chose a 6 month reprieve to wait and see how fast a lump on my thyroid is growing.  Depending on the change of size will determine if I go another 6 months or remove it.  It solved several mysteries.  I now know that I was not doing my Karate ground work wrong, my neck was hurting because of the growth on my thyroid.  The growth caused me to gain weight and messes with my sleep and energy levels.  How rude. 

My other doctor explained that a 20 year long problem is not a high hernia as first believed but an extreme allergy reaction.  His choice was to prescribe a high dollar powerful medication.  I read the information sheet that came with it.  I promised myself years ago not to take a medication that the 'cure' is worse than the disease.  I chose not to take the prescription.  Instead, I went hunting for the thing that I am allergic to that I am eating.  My GP (general practitioner) ran an allergy test.  Nothing remarkable.  Certainly nothing that could cause my esophagus to close down around the food so tight I couldn't eat for 3 days.  So I guessed.  That's right I took a guess as to what the problem was.  I know from past experience looking for a protein snack I could eat in the afternoon I bought 6 different energy bars.  After I threw up the fourth one I noticed that the common ingredient in all of them was soy.  So I am cutting soy out of my diet.  This is the hardest diet I have ever done.  Soy is in almost EVERYTHING prepared and most restaurants.  I'm not perfect yet but after substantially cutting soy, soy lecithin, and all its derivatives I am noticing a big difference in swallowing food.  Today at Karate I was able to squat down resting my bottom on my heels.  This means the swelling in my esophagus has gone down and so is swelling in my legs.  I am stunned that 3 weeks of soy free (mostly) is having such a dramatic effect.  The down side....they put soy lecithin in most chocolate....on the upside the Dollar store has chocolate bars with no soy.  Woohoo.  

So sad - no more creme cakes and the list goes on. 

Monday, September 11, 2017


I was distracted with health problems.  Today I learned that the problem was probably there for years but I didn't pay attention to what I was feeling.  I am so used to being tired, stressed, and anxiety symptoms for PTSD that I didn't realize that my body was actually hurting and begging for attention.  This is a big problem when PTSD and CPTSD symptoms override the physical health problems that are there too.  I am deeply relieved to find out the problem is less serious than I originally thought it might be.  I will be put in the wait-and-see category.  I am thankful that the doctor I trusted introduced me to a doctor she trusts.  This is an interesting thing I am learning about trust.  Sometimes I will trust the person that trusts the person so it helps me trust them too.  I am thankful to be building a team of friends and professionals that all have my best interest at heart.  Feels good too.  I feel confident that I am making the most informed and best choice I can make at this time.  I know that 6 months from now I will go through a similar process but like all things, the more often you do something the easier it becomes, (usually.)

My fellow blogger

Monday, September 4, 2017

Introvert Hangover

I discovered that not every reaction I have to other people can be blamed on being a survivor.  On my journey of self discovery, I found out that I am an extreme Introvert.  My niece posted a link to an awesome article about the effects of Introvert hangover from over exposure to too much, too many people, too much input, too many of anything.  I need time to process information.