Friday, October 30, 2015

I could never go through what you’re going through

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article
I really needed to analyze these.  Especially since I've used them.  Examining what we say to ourselves and others during crisis reflects on us too. 

I could never go through what you’re going through.

This one is supposed to be comforting some how elevating victims to some higher plane of flash....victims did not choose to be victims.  The statement implies because of some superiority on my part I chose to go through hell.  I wasn't given an option.  I didn't not get to pick and choose events because I felt strong enough to suffer...what utter hogwash.  If anything I believe such a statement is a foolish challenge to life to bring on the worst.  The one thing I did learn it is amazing what one can live through.  (Return of Jafar when one genie is making the other genie's life miserable.)  That one line really stuck with me.  I believe there are several negatives to this statement.  It implies that I chose what I suffered.  It feels patronizing like they know what I am going through.  Seems like I could stop at any moment.  I remember when I had cancer someone said they couldn't do what I was only thought was neither can I.  As far as comforting to someone in crisis, a complete miss.

Jenafer Bauerle said...
I actively hate this statement. Also "You must be so strong." Seriously?! Nope, I am a big fat coward. I think both these statements are examples of how poorly we are able to communicate empathy and concern for others. Easier said "I am so sorry you are going through this. Please know that we think of you and pray for you. I would like to ... let me know if that is not ok." So much easier. Filling space with words does not make the situation better. Simple is best. If you can't handle anything else "I love you" is a great place to start.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Just call me if you need anything

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article

I really needed to analyze these.  Especially since I've used them.  Examining what we say to ourselves an others during crisis reflects on us to.  

       Just call me if you need anything

Oh wow.  What a useless thing to say to a person in crisis.  I've heard this before.  Consider these for this phrase.....

1.  I don't know what I need how can I possibly tell you what I need.
2.  I am so overwhelmed breathing is a challenge.
3.  I'm partially deaf, it is a struggle to talk to my children on the phone.  
4.  The statement sounds like a feel good brush off.  You offered and it isn't your fault I didn't call.  
5.  When PTSD kicks into high gear, I feel worthless and undeserving of anyone's assistance.
Yup, to me this is about the most worthless thing anyone can say to me.  I could be drowning and not understand a flotation ring tossed to me.  I would stare at blankly not comprehending it could help.  I remember reading an article about the person that offered to polish all the shoes for the family who were preparing for a funeral the next day.  Sadly for me, PTSD disconnects my ability to communicate and feel nurtured by others.  One more person asking me to do something could send me into intense isolation.  I like the statement, first observe than serve.  Mostly, I hope people aren't offended when I refuse their offer for help or my refusal to call or when I retreat completely.  Interaction with people is one of the hardest things I do.  I agree with the author wholeheartedly this is a really stupid statement to say to someone in crisis.  I believe it goes on the "Never say this phrase" list.  
Just call me is as useless as this bunch of sand. 

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Maybe it happened for a reason

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article
 Maybe it happened for a reason.
Seems to me that there is always someone trying to make sense out of the senseless.  Yea, the reason was I was neglected so an easy target for a pedophile.  The reason was someone was behaving like a jerk.  The reason someone chose to do something evil.  The reason that instead of resolving their pain, they spread it around.  The reason doesn't make any difference.  My counselor was trying to reassure me that a family members cruel behavior was accidental and not intended to harm.  I flared.  I shot back, "If they shoot me by accident or shoot my on purpose, I am equally dead."  He had pushed for a reaction but was surprised by the rage behind the answer.  I was told for years and years that the person harming me didn't mean to, it was just the way she was.  Hot in major hot button.  
Comes out sounding like making excuses for bad behavior instead of owning it and correcting it.  Needless to say I don't use this one.  People have tried to tell this to me but my reaction is not good.  
Years ago I heard a radio talk show host state, "There are always two reasons we do something.  The reason we tell people and the real one."  I agree with the author of the article "Maybe it happened for a reason" is a shitty thing to say to a person that is in crisis.   

Normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Maybe God needed to get your attention

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article
I am going on through the list for myself, exploring why each one is less than helpful or down right harmful.  Which do I use and which were used on me?  I remember when I had cancer, someone told me that I had cancer because I hated myself.  I replied, "Then a little baby with cancer hated themselves?"  They saw the fallacy in their statement.  I am looking for the fallacies and trying to retrain myself not to use them on myself or others.  

          Maybe God needed to get your attention.

This one was used on me.  I remember feeling really puzzled by it at the time.  My first thought was God can get my attention at every sunrise.  What a miracle it is for night to turn to day.  As I ponder on this phrase I realize there is some validity to the belief of God using trauma/disasters to get peoples attention.  Through out the Bible are examples of famine, wars and natural disasters that brought people to remembrance of their Heavenly Father.  This is another one that I ask myself if I am straying from God and He needs me to turn to Him.  However, if I apply to someone else, I don't know if they spent hours on their knees in prayer and then be told they aren't paying attention to God is a massive put down to their efforts.  It is also difficult to believe that a loving Heavenly Father would choose a fist to my face to get my attention.  I do know that I am more likely to pray fervently when I am difficulty than when things are going smoothly.  I think this is one of those phrases that if I use on myself to check in with my relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is quite different then someone else judging me on my relationship with deity.  To me this statement implies several things:
1.  I am doing something that God needs to get my attention.
2.  I deserve what ever is happening to me.
3.  If I was a better person these events wouldn't happen to me.
4.  I'm not humble enough and need to be smacked down.
These are just the things I thought of in 5 minutes when I am calm and not hurting.  The thoughts I could conjure up when I am agonizing over what is hurting me....yup, I would put this on the list to NEVER say to another person.  I need to be kinder to me too.  I can evaluate my relationship with Christ and Heavenly Father but I NEVER (that goes both past and future) deserve abuse.   

Monday, October 26, 2015

Finding my voice

This blog helped me to find my voice.  It gives me a place to share my story.  I've been reviewing why I use certain phrases or cliches to help others in crisis without analyzing if what I am doing is helpful.  Sitting back and reviewing each statement, many of which I use, I am recognizing that how each person feels about God and religion is fairly personal.  I am also not talking about what is really on my mind. 

My mother is once again reaching out to 'improve' our relationship.  I know from repeated experience to her this means I go back to putting up with whatever she dishes out with zero change on her part.  I've learned from careful observation that in company she is mostly safe to be around.  However, lately she is using her audience, family or church group, as a part of her campaign to manipulate me.  I don't want to stop seeing family or going to church so it is time for me to "law down the law" as she calls it.  What I did a year ago was explain that I could not tell her to respect me but I could give her clear guidelines on how to treat me with appropriate consequences.  Now she emailed me with the complaint that she wants a closer relationship.  In my opinion, she hasn't changed anything.  After moving back close to my parents, I made it a habit to stop to have breakfast every Saturday morning.  I did this for over 15 years.  About two years ago, both my parents are now very busy on Saturday morning with no time to talk to me.  My sister and I started taking bets as how fast I could clear the house by walking through the door.  Then I noticed that my mother would wait to leave until I arrived.  I am fully aware that I can be fairly clueless about emotional cues but even I understood that this is a clear indication they want as little to do with me as possible.  NO PROBLEM.  My sister and I now go to PCroissant for breakfast.  A very yummy change in patterns.  Now, my parents are complaining that they don't see me.  OK can I have a "Say what?"  with lots of confusion.  I usually ignore the emails my mother sends.  She chose a topic that she knew would purposely upset me.  She announced to the world at the grand age of 87 she wants to renew her drivers license.  Yup, she got a reaction.  I was reminded by my sweet DH that she is pushing for any interaction even if it is negative.  Puzzled look on my part. She rejects a positive stop by and chat on Saturday morning so needles me about getting her drivers license there anyone besides me that notices this makes less than zero sense.  I remind myself that emotional behavior is not about making sense.  I decided to respond to her latest salvo*, not because I believe we can resolve anything or have a closer relationship but because I apparently need to "lay down the law" again and tell her that she may not treat me like an emotional punching bag.  She may not shove me away then complain to my father about how mean I am.  She may not call me.  If she has a medical emergency she is to call 911.  (She wants to call me and let me solve problems....waiting to contact me in a medical emergency at age 87 could be a matter of life or death and I don't want that responsibility.)  All contact must be with someone present or by email.  She may not hug me without my permission.  The list is a bit longer than this.  DH reminded me that we are coming into the holidays.  This is her stress time loaded with triggers that she never shared but my sister and I get the fall out.  She will cling then push us away in a rage then want to cling again with not consequences for the raging.  So I will answer her email.  Not with the belief that anything will change but for the sake of no one saying I didn't tell her.  Yes, if I tell her in private she will wail loudly that I never told her.  My counselors wanted me to go no contact.  My sister lives there.  I minimize contact with my parents but keep contact with my sister.  I don't understand why I am in this situation.  I often don't know what to do.  My natural tendency is to be kind but any kindness is rejected unless it can be used.  If I show kindness my mother denies to others that I am kind.  I am sad.  It is OK to be sad. 

termed used that may not be familiar with all readers - salvo - 1. a simultaneous or successive discharge of artillery, bombs, etc.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Don’t worry. God’s in Charge.

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article
 Don’t worry. God’s in Charge.
True yet not helpful without a clear understanding of where the person is at in their relationship with God.   Let's break this into the two parts.  

          Don't worry.

Many people that say this believe they are being comforting without realizing the undercurrents that cause havoc wrecking undertow.  First part is telling someone that how they feel is not OK.  Worry perhaps may be a useless emotion for getting things done, however, it exists.  I know from experience that someone else telling me what to feel, my feelings has no value, or any of the variety of interpretations of your feeling is not important.  I learned in a difficult situation, to let go and let God take care of it.  But it is quite different for me to tell me to stop worrying and someone else commanding me to 'don't worry.'  When I worked with computers, I encountered several situations that one of the parties wasn't worried.  I quickly realized that they hadn't grasped the enormity of the problem.  What I am working on is recognizing what I feel concerned about, then create a plan to resolve that issue.  If I worry about a problem then come up with a solution it is called persistence.   If I worry about a problem and don't come up with a solution then I'm wasting my time worrying.  I learned to do two things with worry.  I give myself a time limit.  OK for the next 10 minutes I am going to worry about this problem  At the end of the 10 minutes I give it a rest and work on something else.  The brain is fairly marvelous. Turn it loose on a solution while you are doing something else and you will be amazed what the brain can come up with for a solution.  The second thing is if it isn't my problem to solve is to 'let go and let God' take care of the issue.  The main draw back of the Don't worry command is it minimizes or denies the other person's emotion.  I think a far more helpful attitude would to ask someone if they would like me to worry with them for a time.  Most times they laugh and then I explain that worrying together sometimes we can work out a solution then the worrying becomes a brain storming session.   

          God's in Charge. 

Yes, I believe this.  I also believe that God is in charge of a testing ground not a play ground.   Too often, I hear people exclaim that because hard things are happening in their lives it is God's fault since He is in charge.  I do believe that God's purposes are fulfilled but He allows us to be challenged and tested.  Consider John the Baptist, beloved cousin to Jesus Christ, he was beheaded.  Apostle Paul was imprisoned and shared that he had a 'thorn in his side' that was not removed.  The children of Israel suffered the same plagues as the Egyptians until the last one when the Israelites placed the blood of the lamb over the doors.  Today they still celebrate the Pass Over.  God was in charge when the Israelites reached the shores of the Red Sea.  They passed through on dry land and the Egyptians were buried at sea.  God is in charge comforts me but telling someone else this may not be comforting for them.  They may not believe as I do.  They may be in a different place of their journey than I am.  They may feel that God is failing them or saddest of all is when they start to believe that no miracle means they are not loved.  I listened to prayers of protection and I wasn't protected.  I was told God loves His little children.  So what was wrong with me that I wasn't protected?  I don't know all the answers but I do know that my Heavenly Father loves me.  What happened to me, why I wasn't protected, I can only guess but time and time again, I know that God loves me.  When I pray in Jesus name, I feel comforted.  God's in charge but these words are not always comforting to someone else.   Although, they do bring great comfort to me.      


Thursday, October 22, 2015

Sleep and Cognitive Dissonance

I am sleeping which means I'm not blogging much.  I usually write my blogs between 10 PM and midnight.  Going to sleep means I'm not getting this done.  I really needed the sleep.  My job took a turn for a better but at whiplash speed which is very difficult for me to cope with all the changes especially when people that all think are my boss but aren't really are telling me what to do.  I accept the change but the adjustment still takes a while.

On another front, I experienced sneak attack by email.  Usually, I let it slide.  However, this time I am deciding not to let it slide.  I am pondering the answer.....I am check with my sister about possible fall out.  Yes, I am praying about it.  I am encountering real fear of how others will respond because I am very aware of the dangers of cognitive dissonance.

Thanks to for this definition...

noun, Psychology
1.  anxiety that results from simultaneously holding contradictory or otherwise incompatible attitudes, beliefs, or the like, as when one likes a person but disapproves strongly of one of his or her habits.

People would rather punish the person making them uncomfortable than to examine the new evidence in the situation.  I know this first hand.  I'm not sure if I am sleeping to avoid what I am doing or my brain is in such overload that my body is demanding more sleep. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

But for the grace of God go I

I am continuing a critique of a series of statements dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article

But for the grace of God go I.

My sister, Judy, encouraged me to study grace.  God's grace is simple yet complicated.  I suspect that I'm the one complicating it.  My counselor wondered why it was that I wasn't a drug addict, alcoholic, or promiscuous.  My answer, But for the grace of God go I.  I used this statement referring to myself.  I chose God's grace or I would probably have done all three or committed suicide.  Most likely the last.  I think the error with this statement is applying it to someone else.  I believe that this statement works only as a self-realization that I would be in a bigger mess if I hadn't turned to God.  Telling someone else this statement burdens them with guilt, inadequacy, bewilderment, and many other negative feelings for there is just a hint of 'I'm better than you that you have these problems and I don't.'  Sadly, rather than comforting the person in crisis, there is another layer added of doubting themselves, questioning God, and deepening distress.  I believe when comforting someone else I need to use the platinum rule, "Do unto others as they would like to be done unto them."  May I have the grace and compassion to seek to comfort another.  I need to leave their self realization to themselves.  Sit with those in crisis. Ask how I can serve them.  Show them God's grace by my behavior rather than words that scrape against tender hearts.

God's Grace a personal struggle

God is Good

This is a series of statement dubbed Stupid phrases for people to say to someone in crisis.  This is the original article

God is good – all the time.

I believe the issue with this phrase is a misunderstanding on the part of many people.  God is good - all the time is true.  However, just because God is good all the time doesn't mean good things happen to everyone all the time.  My understanding is we came to Earth for the express purpose of experiencing trials, hardships, hurt, suffering, happiness, joy, excitement, and a whole bunch of other messy and beautiful emotions.  I am fond of simply stating, "Crap happens."  But the crap that happens is not about Heaven.  Crap is an Earthly thing.  Christ promises that we can follow Him because he over came the World not because he had no problems but because he's seen the worse and knows how to help those that are suffering.  I believe there is nothing that I experience or do that is so horrendous, so despicable, so horrible that Christ love and healing can't reach me. 

I am a big believer in recognizing that the horrible awful crap that happens on Earth, Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ can turn for our good in His own time.  Reminder, Heavenly Father's time and my time rarely match.  It requires FAITH, in all caps, for me to understand His timing and His will.  I am the little girl that listened to family prayers that we all be protected, I wasn't.  I heard that if I was good, bad things wouldn't happen so for a long time I believed I must be very bad for the awful things that happened.  My first counselor, KavinCoach, helped me understand that the horrible things that happened to me, I did not cause.  They did not happen to me because Heavenly Father did not love me.  That was a lie told to me by my abuser.  They happened because I lived in the same neighborhood as a man that chose evil and chose me because he had easy access to a neglected child.  It had nothing to do with me or God's love for me.  I understand better the weeping Christ experienced for he wept for me.  I am now seeing the crap that happened to me be turned for good as I share with others that God is good - all the time, especially in a crisis.  It takes faith to see it. Hugs to all those that are not ready to see it, yet. 

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Did you pray about it?

How can this be a negative comment?  This took me by surprise at first then I thought about how it came across to me.  I am continuing the list of things not to say.

The writer of the article shared a personal experience when they were struggling and someone asked, "Did you pray about it?"  The person was in a bad place where prayer was not happening.  So now they felt guilty about not praying about the situation.  In Calvin in Hobbes, Calvin declares there is no situation that is so bad that someone can't add a little guilt to make it worse.  I realized that the question did the same thing to me more than once.

In my own experience, I felt hurt by the question because I had prayed for so long with no answers that I understood.  I had prayed until my knees hurt.  The question felt like the person was doubting my sincerity in prayer.  However, I also know that prayer works.  Not in the way I expect, but it does work.  So I pondered how can I use this in a kind and helpful way.  I decided it depends how well I know someone.  I once offered on someone else's blog to pray for them in comments.  The person was deeply offended because they felt prayer was useless and God was cruel.  I apologized for the offense.  I now consider first, how well do I know the person?  Do they share my beliefs?  Do I know their beliefs?  Are there other words of encouragement that I could use that would be soothing for them?  If they do share my beliefs, I think I want to change this phrase to, "May I pray with you?"  There is amazing power in shared prayers.  There is also the quiet, "I'll pray for you, may I add your name to my prayer circle of friends?"  After reading this article that the phrasing of this statement too easily sounds like a put down or a dismissal of their actions or beliefs.  Prayer is powerful but when a person is hurting how I phrase the suggestion to use prayer can make the difference between lifting or adding to a burden.


Saturday, October 17, 2015

Shut doors and windows

I'm using this blog to write my thoughts for my other blog.  This is kind of like a rough draft.  Some editing maybe used before posting on the other one. 

I'm continuing to work on the article about Stupid phrases people use to comfort others that are often not comforting or sometimes misinterpreted or the intention and how it sounds don't match.

This is a phrase I use often.  However, I am learning to change it.  I am also learning that sometimes people aren't ready to hear it.

When God shuts a door, he opens a window.

In the article the example they offer is Job.  If you ever read about Job in the Bible his life sucked.  What people fail to do is read beyond that his life sucked.  However, Job is not a partial story.  He stayed faithful in his tribulation. 

Job 42:9-10, 12-13
9....the Lord also accepted Job.
10 And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.
12 So the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses.
13 He had also seven sons and three daughters.

When people tell about Job, they leave out the rest of his story.   People often look at a closed door and don't think about the rest of the story.  They stare at the door wanting the door open, praying the door open, grieving the door won't open.  Eventually, they may turn away sorrowing believing that Heavenly Father didn't answer their prayers when all along a window was open just above and to the left of the door.  Because a person is so intent on the door, they miss seeing other possibilities.  God is a god of possibilities.  Choices.  Imagine, He created 18,500 different species of butterflies.  I need to remember that when I offer the advice that "When God shuts a door, He opens a window" the person I am sharing with may still be in the grieving process, not ready to hear about other opportunities.  I learned for myself, if one situation ends it is simply the beginning of something else.  I do believe that when God shuts a door, He opens a window.  Now in my own life, when something shuts down, I start looking for a window.  I know there is an opportunity somewhere if I look for it.  I believe this phrase is useful with being aware in what stage the person is in, if they are still grieving a loss, they are not ready to hear about new possibilities.  Be kind and give the person time to grieve.  Opportunities will present themselves, eventually they will be ready to see them. 

Class Reunion

I went to me first event for my 40 year class reunion from high school.  I was worried that I wouldn't remember most of the people.  I was right.  It was OK.  Most of them didn't remember me either.  However, I did spend a lovely evening with several I do remember.  We chatted, ask about each others lives, and blessedly nobody asked me to remember specifics.  I'm glad I went.  Tonight is the main event.  I'm looking forward to it now.  I felt like last night was like taking a pretest.  I did OK.  My past is not as scary as I thought it would be. 

Friday, October 16, 2015

2 for 1 special

Wow, I just slept 11 hours.  I missed class last night but slept.  I woke up to take the dog out when I usually do....but usually I've been awake all the time before that.  I woke up feeling almost rested. 

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Debated where to share this

Every once in a while I come across a very challenging article.  I think this time I will write it here first like a rough draft to share on my PTSD blog.  So this one may seem a bit disjointed.

Stupid Phrases for People in Crisis

I use some of these phrases...I don't use others.  I'm going to explore them from my perspective.  Please, remember this is my understanding from my experience.  I am a work in progress.

Here we go....starting out with a biggy that I don't use.

God will never give you more than you can handle.

This one I believe is taken out of context. I believe the original reference has to do with temptation.  That we will not be tempted more than we can handle.
 I Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
God also reassures us we are all sinners so there seems a definite contradiction.   My belief is God created a world that can break anything.  I lived in Spokane, Washington when Mount Saint Helen's blew.  We lived hundreds of miles away and were covered in ash.  Add to volcanoes, tsunami, earthquakes, army ants, tornadoes, fires, and I could keep writing for pages of all the disasters that have rocked this world.  This list doesn't include anything that humans do to each other.  This is not a peaceful kumbaya planet.  Also in the scriptures is the request by God that we bring Him a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  Neither one of these is peaceful.  What I do believe is there is nothing so bad that God can't turn it to my good.  Nothing so horrible that I do that God can't help me straighten it out.  My job is to stop putting limits on what God can handle.

I broke.  I was 5 years old and I broke in pieces.  Those pieces helped me survive horrible life experiences.  I believed at the time that God abandoned me.   First Christmas after I started counseling and started remembering, I didn't celebrate Christmas.  I was angry at Heavenly Father.  I felt He let me down, none to gently either.  More liked smashed to bits.  However, He taught me bit by bit, line upon line, that He sent Jesus Christ to suffer and die so that Christ could understand my anguish.  I believe in Christ.  I believe I need to stop underestimating God's power to turn evil for good.

It gets better.

This is a true statement and one that I've used with a qualifier now.  I used it often before counseling.  After counseling, I understood that this phrase does not help the person that is hurting right now.  I banged my toe on Saturday.  It turned spectacular shades of purple; I worried a bit if I might have broken it.  I knew my toe would get better but at the moment of pain, I couldn't think about it getting better eventually, I hurt right then.  (Yes, it is feeling better now, but it still hurt like crazy on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, you get the picture.)  Telling a person that is hurting in the moment that it gets better may sound reassuring; unfortunately, it often comes off as dismissing present pain and suffering. 

I'll continue with this later.  Chin up, I'm cheering for you and me.

Heavenly Father keeps his promises.  

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

New routines

I hate routines and I can't survive without them.  Why do I hate routines?  Because someone else is always messing mine up so I feel more frustrated than if I didn't have them in the first place.  How's that for weird logic?  I had Fall break.  A week off.....should have been grand....NOPE.  I am all out of sorts trying to get used to the the new routines set in place just before Fall break.  I was late reporting to one of the areas because I forgot I was supposed to be there.  Hard to describe to other people the tail spin I can go in over the simplest of jostles in my life.  The changes can be good ones and I still get out of sorts.  I like being a rut.  Same-o-same-o works for me.  Even missing one thing throws me off. I can't seem to maintain them.  Heavy sigh....just grumpy.  I'll get this worked out. 

I am having some fun..... made Halloween treats with the grandkids. 

I love Autumn..............

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Some one has it worse

Have you ever been told that you can't feel sad because someone has it worse than you do?  It is something I've heard repeatedly.  I finally found it quote that I can fully endorse.

Telling someone they can't be sad because others have it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because others have it better.

 On the web page it was submitted 2 years ago, if I heard it before I don't remember.  What I feel is my feeling.  Someone else cannot tell me what I feel is not of value if someone else is feeling it better or worse. 

Thursday, October 8, 2015


For those that are unfamiliar with the term stay-cation, it is time off without going on vacation.  Staying home as a vacation.  But for me I haven't really had a vacation.  I tackled a job that I avoided for years.  I have stacks and stacks of papers.  I tackled some of them.  Those papers that I knew I needed to keep for medical purposes were filed.  I also threw away stuff that I saved for YEARS telling myself that I would fix it, do something with it, or use it.  I did have a moments desire to snatch stuff back out of the trash.  I peaked...bless my hubby's heart, he already took out the trash.  He knows me well.  I am seeing part of my floor that I haven't seen for years.  I do believe that my husband keeps me from becoming one of those hoarders you see on TV.  One of the challenges of growing up with multiple personalities, I didn't feel like anything belonged to me or I kept things for evidence that they happened.  Healing process involves not just healthy choices but a whole new life style.  I am continually frustrated by people saying they want to go back to before PTSD.  My thought is why do I have to not change when I have a life changing experience?  Every event that causes PTSD is a life changing experience.  A persons view of the world is forever altered.  I split into different personalities at 5 years old.  I lived that way for over 40 years.  Integrating was a life changing experience.  I am different now.  I am still trying to understand what that is but that's OK.  Life changing experiences mean life changes.  Stay-cation for me is no more restful than going on a vacation. 

Grand Canyon

Mammoth Springs, Yellowstone

Grand Tetons

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Time to Pray

~ Time to Pray....
I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day;
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task;
"Why doesn't God help me?"
I wondered He said, "But you didn't ask."
I wanted to see joy and beauty
but the day toiled on, gray and bleak;
I wondered why God didn't show me.
He said,"But you didn't seek"
I tried to come into God's presence;
I used all the keys at the lock.
God Gently and lovingly chided
"My child, you didn't knock."
I woke up early this morning
And paused before entering the day.
I had so mush to accomplish
That I had to take time to Pray.
Author Unknown
*God Bless and keep Sharing the Good News !!! ~ C4C

 I start each morning with prayer for I reason, I need all the help I can get.

Dear Lord,
So far today I am doing all right.  I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent.  However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Hit after hit

Wednesday my whole job got turned around.  That evening I randomly encountered one of my biggest triggers.  My anxiety went through the roof but I didn't run screaming from the room.    Thursday I started processing events and realized that there was a person in administration using me to show her displeasure towards one of the teachers.  I'm a little slow at picking up nuances.  I realized that there reasoning had holes big enough to drive a truck through.  Being used to hurt others is another huge trigger.  Friday one of the groups that I will no longer work with created cards and gave me a basket of flowers.  I was moved to tears.  I loved working with these people.  I will still see them at school I but I won't have the daily contact that I used to have.  The administrators complain that staff moral is low then treat them as nothing more than an X on a spread sheet.  I spent quiet time with grand kids and spent today sorting what I can do something about and what is someone else's responsibility.  Today in karate class, I could barely remember what I was taught on Thursday.  I hate mush brain feeling.  I'm also adjusting my thinking to this new challenge.  I'm excited about what is coming up.  So now I feel guilty for feeling excited about the changes.  I'm just weird.  No emotions is much easier.  Feeling like a snow globe that got shook up and it will take time to understand all the fall out.